Night and day had ceased to have any meaning.  They poked and prodded him around the clock, denying him even the most basic comforts like water or sleep.  After what seemed like an eternity he felt the contents of yet another syringe being injected, although this time directly into his shoulder, and the fog hovering on the outskirts of his brain began to thicken, making it increasingly hard to think or respond.  As the tension left his body, he sank into the blackness, secretly grateful for the respite from the agony.  He would fight them again when he woke up, but for now, he desperately wanted - no, needed  - to rest.  Just for. . . a. . . . few. . . . . minutes. . . . . .
-----------------------------------------

*/FLASH/*

Logan awakened with a jolt and immediately craned his neck to study his surroundings.  He was now in what appeared to be an operating room, completely naked and firmly cuffed to a cold metal table.  As before, he was unable to move or release his claws but, unlike before, the nausea and persistent headache were gone and he was fully cognizant.  In fact, his senses were more alert than they'd been in a long time.  He felt almost 'hyper-aware', as if his healing factor was on overdrive.

Footsteps were approaching, stopping just outside the thick metal doors.  He easily picked up snippets of their animated conversation, almost immediately regretting his heightened hearing...

"How's our organ donor faring?"

"Ready for harvesting, sir.  His healing factor is currently at 126% capacity....much better than we initially anticipated.  Quite honestly, I'm amazed."

"His regenerative abilities are truly astounding.  I've been studying mutants for three decades, but I've never encountered anything on this scale before."

"Sir, why was he never utilized in this way during his previous captivity?  Jesus, the black market sale of these organs could singlehandedly support a third-world country....or even fund the next World War!"

"Hmm, yes.  We lost quite a few good men during his last stay with us.  Due to that and the necessary damage control - to say nothing of the extensive safety implementations -  it took quite awhile to track him down after his escape.  Regardless, while I agree with you about the black market potential, the real money lies in the chemical agents he's enabling us to develop and perfect."

"A valid point.  It would certainly tip the scales in our favor, having our own people immune to the very thing that's causing the enemy to drop like flies!"

"I overheard the Director speaking to someone in Lebanon.  There's an investor in the Middle East with a bottomless purse.  I'm telling you, the sky's the limit.  Whoever winds up in control of those compounds has the future of the world in the palm of their hand!"

An icy finger of fear was stabbing at his spine, and Logan growled as three men and two women, each wearing surgical scrubs, entered the room and began bustling around him.  They paid no attention to his warning, and a metal cart was wheeled over to the table, its surface covered with glittering surgical instruments, the very sight of them - lined up in precise rows, like soldiers -  making his mouth go dry.  A blinding light snapped on overhead, stabbing his eyes and making them water.  One of the women began swabbing his abdomen with something cold and medicinal-smelling.  An I.V. was inserted into his arm, but no anesthesia was administered;  he remained wide awake and totally coherent.  One of the men picked up a scalpel.   Oh, God, no.... Please, not again.  It's -- they're gonna cut me...Fuck!  It's happening again.....Noooo!

Not wanting to watch but unable to look away, he braced himself as the blade was lowered, clamping his teeth down on his tongue and tasting blood, writhing against the familiar, searing pain, bile rising in his throat as he felt the layers of skin and muscle being separated....

"Here, take a look for yourself - I guarantee you'll never witness anything like this again.  Infuckingcredible.  No matter how many times I remove these, they'll just keep growing back...."

*/FLASH/*
-----------------------------------------

Marie bolted upright with a gasp, heart hammering in her chest.  Feeling her gorge rise, she grabbed blindly for the wastebasket under her nightstand, clutching the rim with white knuckles until her dry heaves had finally passed.  Blinking the tears back rapidly, she collapsed with a groan against the pillows again, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm her racing heart and praying fervently that her stomach was through with its gymnastics.   Dear God.....what--?

A shuffling sound to the right caught her attention.  Turning her head, she realized there was a dark figure standing in the partially open doorway.

Logan.

Without realizing she was moving, she threw back the covers and got up, padding over to him on shaky legs, able to make out his features in the dimness only with the aid of his borrowed enhanced senses.  Stopping less than three feet away from his slightly hunched over form, she bit her lip, wanting to help but unsure of exactly how to proceed.

"Logan?"

His only response was a muffled groan.  Stepping a little closer, she realized he was wearing only the boxers she'd bought for him and he was shivering, but clearly not from the temperature.  The cottage was comfortably warm.

It was obvious that he'd had another nightmare and Marie wondered if it had been the same one she'd just experienced?  The grisly images were still deeply etched in her mind but - no matter how horrific they seemed to her - she knew it was only the tip of the iceberg compared to the affect they must be having on Logan....afterall, he'd already suffered through the actual procedures!  She could see that his complexion was chalky and he wasn't at all steady on his feet, which only magnified her concern.  Pursing her lips, she tamped down her own renewed nausea and made a quick decision.

"C'mon," she told him, grasping his arm gently but firmly above the elbow - Just in case the claws decide to put in an unscheduled appearance! - and pulling him across the room to the bed.  His movements were sluggish, but he allowed himself to be led without protest.  She guided him around to the side and up toward the pillows before sitting him down, his long legs hanging almost comically over the edge.  When he still hadn't said anything, head bowed and continuing to shiver, she sat carefully next to him, her hand still resting firmly on his arm.

"Logan?  It's Marie.  You're okay now...."   Duh? Obviously he's not okay....Still, I gotta bring him back to reality here, make him see that it was just a dream....

He started to say something, and then quickly shook his head, a shudder passing through his body.  She began lightly rubbing his forearm, the soft hairs tickling her palm.

"Logan, please....talk to me.  You had another nightmare...."

He risked a glance over at her and there was no mistaking the pain and misery in his eyes.  Looking downward again, he mumbled "...'Sorry."

Unaware she was doing it, Marie's gentle rubbing of his forearm had progressed to include his wrist and hand as well.  " It's okay.  Don't apologize - you have nothing to be sorry for."  She searched for and captured his gaze. "What can I do to help?"

He swallowed hard, hating himself for his weakness and for asking, but unable to stop.

"Th-that."

Marie frowned, confusion etched on her features.  "What?"

He gave a sharp nod.  "Wh-what you're doin'."

She glanced at her hand on his, her fingers lightly rubbing between his knuckles, and then slowly raised her eyes to stare at him in surprise.  "You mean....touching you?"

Logan nodded gruffly and looked away from her again, his powerful frame shivering once more.  He hated himself because what he wanted - needed - he had no right to ask of her.  He held his breath, miserable, steeling himself for her response, not knowing what he would do if she rejected his request.

"My touching you.....helps?"  Her voice was gentle, tinged with sadness.  She knew it did, but to hear him admit it made her heart ache.

"Y-yeah..."  He closed his eyes, murmuring,  "It...helps a lot."

Marie bit her lip, blinking quickly to ward off the tears that were threatening.  "All right."  She raised the hand that was held in hers, palm and fingers curved downward, and gently grazed her lips over the backs of his knuckles, much as he'd done to hers earlier that day.

Jesus...  Logan trembled, a low moan escaping his throat.  No one had ever done that to him before, and he sure-as-hell wouldn't have expected it from someone who knew about the deadly claws lying dormant just below the skin.

Placing his hands back in his lap, Marie reached out with her other hand and tentatively stroked his heavily-whiskered cheek.  She marveled at the sensation of the bristly hairs pricking her fingertips. Switching to the other cheek and giving it equal attention, she couldn't help confessing with a grin, "I've been wanting to do that for awhile now..."

He didn't respond, but his shivering had abated and he was unconsciously leaning toward her, his eyes closed, a low rumbling emanating from his bare chest.  Marie's eyes widened.   He's purring again. Just a small caress does that to him.  Wow....  An icy-cold finger of truth crept up her spine when it registered that, while he was no stranger to being groped and probed in
a sexual or clinical manner, being touched in a caring way was completely foreign to him.   No one has ever caressed him before, just because he needed it.  Oh, God....

At that thought, her eyes pricked with hot tears again.   Not now.  He needs you to stay in control here....to be strong.  Concentrate on that.  She slowly got up off the bed, prompting him to open his eyes and look at her.  His brow furrowed and he started to say something, but she smiled at him, shaking her head.

"Shhh....it's okay.  I'm not going anywhere."

He grunted but didn't argue, continuing to watch her as she took the blanket folded up at the end of the bed and dropped it on the floor between his feet.  Kneeling upon it, she settled herself between his legs and placed her hands on his knees.  As his eyebrow raised in surprise, she smiled and said "Trust me, okay?  Just relax...."

Logan frowned but tried to do as she requested, swallowing hard as his gaze traveled over the generous view of her cleavage that the V-neck of her nightshirt afforded him.  When he'd asked her to touch him, he hadn't meant in a sexual way.   Shit, she's gotta think I'm the world's biggest asshole, only wantin' to jump her!   With a soft grunt, he struggled inwardly to control his body's automatic reaction to her.  Fuck....I do wanna jump her, but I can't let her know that....

Marie took a deep breath and splayed her fingers, cracking a few of the joints in the process.  Okay, I can do this for him.  I am NOT going to think about all that gorgeous bare skin under my fingers. Nope, not thinking about that at all.

Moving slowly, she began running her hands over one of his lightly-furred calves.  Applying a gentle but firm pressure with her fingertips, she worked her way over every inch of his lower legs, ankles and feet in a steady, circular motion.  Adjusting her position, she moved up to his thighs, glancing up at him to see if it met with his approval.

Logan was leaning back on his hands, watching her from under hooded eyes.  She couldn't read the expression hidden in their depths, but took his semi-relaxed stance and lack of protest as permission enough to continue.

Tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, she focused on the muscular thighs in front of her. The downy hair was thinner here, and softer, whispering against her palms.  Mmm, he's so warm.....and solid.  She was careful, but not obvious, about avoiding the heated flesh under his tented boxer shorts - There's certainly nothing wrong with his plumbing! - concentrating her efforts between the hem and his knees.  After she'd covered as much of the area as she dared, she sat back on her haunches and met his eyes.

"Logan?  Is that--?"  Her voice sounded unsteady and she cleared her throat.  "I mean....is what I'm doing okay?"  I know he likes it, but I really need him to stay with me here....

"Yeah."  It was more of a grunt than a word, but his expression had softened.  "It....it feels good."

"Okay."  She breathed an inward sigh of relief.  "I'll keep going then.  You just, uh, tell me to stop if it's not helping, or if you want something different.....all right?"

He nodded, unable to speak.  I don't get it.  How the fuck does she understand - how can she know what I need, when I ain't even sure myself?

Marie leaned in slightly, splaying her hands across his stomach and abdomen.  The skin was softer here, but still wonderfully firm.   Wow, if this feels half as good to him as it does to me, then he should be feeling pretty terrific about now!   She could feel his breath stirring the hair at the crown of her head as he watched her.  As her fingers moved around to his waist, he twitched and her head shot up to look at him, concern in her eyes.

"...'Tickles."

She smiled.  "Sorry.  I'll try not to do that anymore."

He shrugged, a sheepish expression on his face.  "S'okay."

Resuming her attentions, she worked her way from his waistband upwards, gently but firmly tracing and smoothing the ridges
of muscle.  With her fingers on his ribcage, she could feel his heart pulsing a steady beat just beneath.  She risked a glance at
his face, only inches above hers, and saw that his eyes were closed again, the taut lines around his mouth having all but disappeared.  Taking that as a sign that she was doing something right, her hands continued their journey northward, slowly kneading his amazing chest and hard pectorals, the tag and chain around his neck chiming in with a soft 'clink' every now and then.  Finally - realizing that she couldn't access any more of him while still on her knees - Marie slowly stood up.  Logan's eyes opened immediately and she smiled to reassure him.

"Don't worry - I'm not done yet.  I've just gotta stand up to reach the rest of you."

He looked like he was going to say something, but instead simply watched her maneuver between his knees, much the same way that she had while drying him off after he'd accepted the invitation to come home with her.  He shivered at the memory.

"Logan....do me a favor?"

Snapping his attention back to the present, he saw that she was patting the area just below her breasts.  "Can you just, kinda, rest your head here?  I need your shoulder muscles to be completely relaxed."

Again, his mouth went dry and he settled for a gruff nod.  Damn, I really gotta get a grip, here.

She leaned in, closing the distance between them, and he felt his head being pillowed against the soft warmth of her abdomen.  Inhaling the now-familiar scent of soap and something lemony, his heartbeat and breathing slowed immediately in response.

Marie felt her heart constrict when the purring began again  - ...and I haven't even started on the back or head-rub yet! -  She placed her hands on his shoulders, probing them with her fingers until she located the knots she'd known were there.  Using her wrists and thumbs, she concentrated on working the tension out of the sinewy muscles, following up with her palms as she smoothed the skin from his upper back to his shoulder blades.  The rumbling in Logan's chest increased, and his face burrowed further into her stomach, his arms creeping up to clasp around her hips.  She paused, hating to interrupt the moment but wanting her efforts to have maximum impact.

"Logan?"

"...Hmm-?"

"Not that I mind where your arms are at, but uh, this will work a lot better if your muscles aren't all bunched up."

He raised his head abruptly, a sheepish expression on his face, and dropped his arms back to his sides.  "...'Sorry."

She smiled down at him.  "That's okay.  It's just that raising your arms like that increases the tension in your shoulders, and that kinda cancels out what I'm trying to do here."

She resumed her stroking and smoothing of his shoulders, her circles gradually extending downward to the swell of his biceps.  The side of his face was resting against her stomach again, his whiskers pricking her skin through the thin cotton of her nightshirt.  As the rumbling intensified, her lips curled into a smile.   I wonder if he's even aware he's doing that?   It both amused and delighted her that the sound he was making was very similar to the throaty purring that Winston made when he was contented.  He and that cat have an awful lot in common....not the least of which is the fact that they're both spoiled by me!

Marie balanced on her tiptoes, leaning over his shoulder so she could knead the tightly corded muscles on either side of his spine, deriving an immense feeling of satisfaction as she felt them loosening and uncoiling.  In her current position, her left breast was pressed snugly against the side of his head, the part of him against her thigh suddenly taking a great deal of interest in the situation. Logan didn't shift or give any indication that he was overtly aware of, or even embarrassed by, his body's reaction to her, so Marie continued to ignore it as well.   Don't flatter yourself, girl.  Yeah, okay....so certain parts of him are, uh, attracted to you.  But he's a guy.....he probably has that reaction when any red-blooded female is near him.  Remember the woman at Wal-Mart?

Flushing at the memory, Marie gave herself a mental shake and straightened up but remained standing between his legs.  His reactions a bit delayed, Logan groggily lifted his head to see why she'd stopped.  As he searched her face, she threaded her fingers through the hair at his temples and began rubbing his skull gently, working her way over the top and then down toward the nape of his neck.  His eyes seemed to glaze over and he dropped his head back down, this time to her chest.  She could feel the weight of his upper body leaning into her, his muscles almost completely lax now.   Good, total relaxation - that's exactly what I was striving for.   The insistent pressure at her thigh belied that thought.   Okay, well, almost total relaxation, anyway....

She bit her lip in concentration while continuing to rub his head and neck, alternating strokes and pressure.  His forehead was resting just below her collarbone now, his warm breath moistening the hollow between her breasts.  It was beginning to tickle and Marie stifled the urge to scratch.  His breathing had gradually become more even, his heartbeat slow and steady.  As the weight of his upper body against hers increased, she suddenly realized he was starting to doze off.   Oh, great....'looks like I relaxed him a little too well.  Now I'm gonna have to wake him up!

Not wanting to startle him into unsheathing the claws, Marie slowly ceased the movement of her fingers in his hair.  As he continued to lean against her, she figured a step back might also be in order.  As she carefully withdrew, the loss of her soft warmth registered within Logan's subconscience and he began to stir, unaware that he was bringing his arms up around her hips to hold her to him.

Marie grasped his forearms and gently extracted herself from his embrace, meeting his gaze with an understanding smile as he raised his head groggily to look at her, confusion on his face.  He felt light-headed, boneless and - except for the persistent erection he still sported - he was positive he'd never been this relaxed in all of his life....or at least in the parts that he could still remember with any clarity.

"Logan --"  Marie was speaking softly, leaning toward his ear.  "C'mon....let's get you into bed."

Still floating on a wave of endorphins, he closed his eyes and let her swing his long legs up onto the bed and arrange one of the pillows behind his neck, gently pulling the covers up to his chest.  It didn't even register that she was putting him to bed in her room rather than on the couch.  As he drifted, a faint rustling sound filtered through the haze of fog enshrouding his brain and his eyes snapped open again as he realized she was gathering her things and preparing to leave.  Before he was consciously aware of it, his hand shot out and wrapped itself around her right wrist, eliciting a startled gasp from Marie.

"Logan, what're you doing?"

He struggled up from the pillow, still grasping her wrist.  "D-don't go...."

She frowned. "You really need to get some sleep --"  She knew he wasn't completely coherent and she didn't want him having any regrets or feeling awkward in the morning.

"Please?"  He hated himself for barely managing to keep the whine out of his voice.  He was a bastard for requesting anything else from her - she'd already gone way above and beyond what he deserved.  He couldn't remember ever wanting anyone to stay with him before, but this young woman had awakened something in him.....something long-dormant and presumed dead.....and now he just couldn't help himself.  At the thought of her leaving, Logan could feel the cold rushing in to fill the place inside of him that she'd made warm with her caring.  He wanted - no, needed - her sweet presence,  But now she was going to leave him alone again - more alone than he'd ever been before in his life - and when she was gone the large, comfortable bed and clean-smelling blankets would mean absolutely nothing.....it would be just another in a long line of rooms and beds that he'd been alone in and couldn't even call his own.

Marie could plainly see the anguish in his eyes and hear the self-loathing in his voice.  He really hates feeling so needy - it makes him vulnerable and people have taken advantage of that in the past - but I think he's starting to realize that he can't keep fighting his demons alone....  She was humbled that he was trusting her and - not wanting to make him feel worse about asking - she shrugged and casually draped her robe over the rocking chair a few feet away from the bed.  Swallowing hard, she nodded.

"Okay, then....I'll, uh, just sleep here tonight, if you're sure you don't mind?"

He nodded wordlessly and fell back on the pillow, almost as if awaiting her decision had sapped him of his strength.  Marie flushed as he scooted over in the bed to make room for her to climb in next to him.  As she plumped the pillow behind her head and tried to find a comfortable position - trying desperately not to think about all that warm, bare skin up against hers - he pulled the blankets up to swaddle both of them.  For several long moments, they both lay on their backs in the darkness, listening to the others' rhythmic breathing.  Finally, Marie turned her head slightly to study his profile, noticing his eyes were heavy-lidded but still open.

"Logan?"

"...Yeah?"

"Are you....um - is everything okay now?"

Okay?  He was so far from okay that he couldn't possibly find the words to explain it to her.  Instead, he slowly turned onto his side, facing her, unable to completely disguise the pain in his eyes.  "It's.....better."  He cleared his throat gruffly.  "...Thanks."

Marie angled her body toward him.  "You're welcome.  That's what friends are for, remember?"  She reached out and gently cupped his whiskered cheek, smiling as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch once again.  Propping herself up on her right elbow, she continued stroking his cheek, working her fingers slowly through the thick hair at his temple, nervously trying to tamp down her increasingly lusty thoughts about the warm body only inches away from hers, clad in nothing more than boxer shorts and bare skin.  Without realizing she was doing it, she leaned toward him, breathing in the smell of her soap that he'd used to wash with and the natural, masculine scent that was all his own.   Down, girl.  Just stay focused on what he needs right now and quit thinking with your libido!

Enveloped by the darkness, Logan smelled the change in her scent and a smile tugged at his lips, but he was too exhausted to even think about the implications.  In little more than a minute, his deep, rhythmic breathing indicated he had fallen asleep.

Marie lay back down, careful not to jostle him, content in the knowledge that she'd been able to give him some peace, however momentary.  Sleep was not quick to reclaim her, however, as she lay awake with the images from the nightmare cycling through her mind, desperately trying to figure out a way to help him uncover the answers he was seeking and somehow regain at least some of what he'd lost.
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Posted April 2002