Indomitable Will, Tender Heart - 15
Author: Taryn
Email: Write
Me!
Rating: Strong R (language - this chapter)
Disclaimer: Don't own them, yadda yadda. See Chapter 1...
Author's Notes: The advice Logan offers about the car
was actually given to me by an old boyfriend when my car did the same
thing. 'Worked like a charm!
-------------------------------------------------
"...And make sure you eat something for lunch, especially since we
skipped
breakfast....your healing factor needs food, you know/ There's
all
kinds of soups in the cupboard and there's still some sliced ham and
cheese
in the fridge. Just make yourself at home, okay? Promise."
Marie pulled the Toyota onto what Logan guessed was a dirt road - with
the
thick blanket of snow it was hard to tell - driving for another mile
and
a half before finally coming to a halt in front of a large field
bordered
by trees. They'd gotten here first and there wasn't another soul
around
for miles, but he could tell by the wind gusting around the treetops
that
the plane was approaching.
The growl was negated by a smirk. "Ya don't gotta 'Mother Hen'
me....I
told ya, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna work on the guest room
and.....holy
shit! " Air whistled between Logan's teeth and he could only
stare
up and out the window in astonishment as the plane suddenly became
visible,
humming quietly above and in front of them as it began its descent.
"That's
-- your professor sent a Blackbird?"
Startled, Marie nodded, studying him curiously. "Yeah. Are
you
familiar with them?" Boy, he's just full of surprises!
How can someone know so much
but remember so little? Those doctors must've really done a
number on his head, damn
them!
"Familiar?" Logan snorted, unable to tear his gaze away from the
aircraft
as it powered down. "Officially, SR-71 craft don't even
exist!
Twin-ion propulsion engine, electromagnetic forcefield generator,
state-of-the-art
cloaking device, independent servo-repulsors....the damned thing even
has
VTOL jets!" He continued to gape while shaking his head in
amazement.
She bemoaned the fact that they didn't have the time for a lengthy
discussion,
but if this was a real memory surfacing it was important to not to let
it
slip away. "Um, Logan....if they're so hush-hush, then how do you
know
so much about them?"
An odd look crossed his face and he frowned, trying to grasp where the
sudden
knowledge had come from. Finally he shrugged in
exasperation.
"Dunno. There's a lotta that kind of shit rattlin' around my
brain
and I ain't got a clue where it's from." Suddenly fixing her with
an
intense look, he added in a low voice, "Believe me, though - there
ain't nothin'
ordinary about that piece of hardware, Marie. Just what kinda
operation
is this Xavier runnin', and what're you doin' for him?"
Marie swallowed. She didn't want to lie to Logan, but she really
didn't
have the time right now to explain. "It's, uh, kind of
complicated
and I'm really not supposed to talk about it, but....well....
..sometimes
I help the X-Men out on their missions."
"X-Men?" Logan's eyebrows shot skyward. "The ones who
rescued
ya from that Magneto guy?" He flexed his hands unconsciously,
staring
at her with an incredulous look on his face. "What the
fuck?
Are you sayin' that you're kickin' ass and takin' names with them?"
Marie shook her head and zipped up her coat, reaching for the door
handle.
"I've had the chance to kick some ass once or twice, but most of the
time
my job is really more of a reconnaissance thing: gathering intel,
determining
a hostile's position.....you know - necessary stuff, but not even close
to
life-threatening."
"Grrr....why didn'tcha tell me about this before?" The
thought of Marie
running around with a bunch of superhero wannabes made his blood run
cold
and the urge to sink his claws into something was almost
overwhelming.
"Just because the professor saved your life don't mean ya gotta fight
his
battles for him!" At the hurt look on her face, he attempted a
sputtered
explanation. "I'm sorry, Marie, but it just seems to me that
Xavier
should be doin' everythin' in his power to keep ya safe....instead,
he's
got ya workin' for him just behind the goddamned front-line!"
"Logan --"
"What if ya got snatched again? Huh? And what if your X-Men
"...the
word was spoken with disdain... "were gettin' their asses kicked in the
same
battle and couldn't help ya out? Who'd show up in the
nick-of-time
to pull ya from the brink of death then?" I would, darlin',
in
a heartbeat , and I think - I hope - ya know that, but I don't ever
wanna
be put in that position. I don't give a good God-damn about me,
but
I just couldn't fuckin' handle it if somethin' like that happened to ya
on
my watch.
A figure was now standing on the plane's loading ramp, waving to
Marie.
She forced a bright smile and returned the greeting before leaning back
down
into the car to face Logan. There was no denying the wounded look
in
her eyes.
"Uh...we can talk about this later, but right now I-I've really gotta
go
--"
Realizing his fists were white-knuckled, he drew a deep breath and
forced
himself to focus. Cursing the rash words he'd spoken just moments
before,
the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach made him wonder if he hadn't
just
succeeded in ruining everything with her. He reached over and
grasped
her arm, opting for a softer tone of voice and a last ditch attempt to
fix
things. "Look, darlin'....all I'm sayin' is -- there's lotsa ways
to
show your gratitude. Ya don't gotta pay for your life with
your life!"
Marie's eyes were still sad, but her voice was strong. "The
professor's
fight is my fight, Logan. It's completely my choice....he never
asked
me to be on the team. I believe in what he's trying to do, and if
that
means risking my life - even after he saved it - then that's a small
price
to pay for continued freedom for everyone." She reached out to
stroke
his whiskered cheek with her fingertips, smiling at the way he
unconsciously
leaned in to her touch. "I appreciate your concern, I
really
do, but you don't need to worry about me. I'll be back
before
you know it and then we'll have our New Year's Eve....okay?"
I can do this. I can let her go. She's got a right to
live
her life the way she wants and I ain't got any control over that.
Logan exhaled a slow breath. "Yeah....sure. Call me when
you're
ready to be picked up." But God help me....if anythin'
happens
to her, heads are gonna roll - and I think I'll start with that pretty
boy
waitin' there for her on the ramp. "And Marie? Uh...be
careful."
She favored him with a genuine smile then and shut the car door,
running
toward the aircraft, the wind making her braid dance behind her.
When
she reached the slim young man, who was wearing what appeared to be a
black-leather
uniform and an odd-looking visor that covered a good deal of his face,
Logan
watched with narrowed eyes as their bodies merged in a tight
embrace.
As Marie leaned back, grinning, the man said something and - cocking
his
head - kissed her on the lips, briefly but with a bold
familiarity.
A gutteral snarl issued from Logan's chest and he did release the claws
then,
narrowly missing the dashboard housing. Through the red haze that was
fogging
his vision, he was only vaguely aware of Marie turning and waving to
him
before she disappeared inside the plane with the pretty boy. What
the fuck? Who in the hell was that and why was he kissin'
her?
Maybe I was right about that breakfast date all along? Fuck!
Other than storming the plane and dragging Marie away - a move he
didn't
think she'd take too kindly to - there was nothing he could do about it
now.
Logan sheathed the claws with a growl and slid over to the driver's
seat,
gunning the engine into life and throwing it in reverse, heading back
out
the way they'd come in. Focus, bub, just....focus. The
guy's
probably just a friend. Okay, a male friend that she hugs and
kisses
- Grrr - but shit....Marie's like that with everybody. Well, I
ain't
exactly seen her hug or kiss anybody else, least of all another guy - GRRR
- but she's friendly and people like her and that's all it is.
She
said she's comin' back. She wants ya to pick her up and she even
wants
ta spend New Year's Eve with ya. That's gotta mean
somethin'....right?
I just gotta focus on that. He shook his head in a pitiful
attempt
to clear the haze from his vision, his good mood from less than twenty
minutes
ago now just a bad taste in his mouth. Focus, my ass.
Easier said
than fuckin' done!
----------------------------------------------
When he arrived at the cottage twenty minutes later, his mood hadn't
improved
but he'd finally managed to get the rage back under control.
Tossing
both his and Marie's plastic cups in the sink, he threw his jacket over
the
back of one of the kitchen chairs and grabbed a can of Molson's from
the
refrigerator. Logan frowned at the digital clock on the stove,
the
1:24PM a dull blue glow in the sun-streaked room. Hell, it's
already
after noon....forget breakfast. Looks like it's liquid lunch for
one....just
like old times. Scowling, he headed for the guest room,
figuring
that it would probably be in his best interests to put his frustration
and
pent-up energy to a semblance of good use with the power tools and
lumber. Regardless of what Marie's doin' and who she's - GRRR
- doin' it with,
I got my own job to do. This is about fixin' the mess I made and
makin'
sure she sees I can carry my own weight around here....that I ain't
just
usin' her.
Awhile later, he returned to the kitchen with several paint-clogged
brushes
and was more than a little surprised to see that four hours had gone
by.
Things were going more smoothly than he'd anticipated and he'd gotten a
lot
accomplished, but there was still a bit more to do and he wondered if
he
would be able to finish before Marie needed him to pick her up.
She
had insisted her trip to Westchester would only be a 'few hours', so
Logan fervently
hoped that not hearing from her yet didn't mean something had gone
wrong.
The phone had rung twice already, but the callers were apparently two
of
her girlfriends, both of whom had left messages extending invitations
to
New Year's Eve parties. On the way to meet the plane, Marie had
advised
him to "just let the machine get it, but pick up when you hear it's
me",
explaining that she really didn't want to have to field her friends'
questions
about just who the guy on the other end of the line was if Logan should
happen
to answer the call. That was fine with him - he wasn't all that
interested
in getting chummy with Marie's friends at the moment anyway and -
although
he'd never have admitted it, even under torture - a part of him was
insanely
glad that none of the voices coming through the machine had been male.
There were only a few dishes in the sink, including their coffee cups
from
earlier, so Logan washed them up quickly, leaving his brushes to soak
as
he grabbed another beer and went back to the guest room. The air
in
the cottage had begun to cool but - as he was already sufficiently warm
from
his exertions - he'd long-since stripped off his shirts. Now
standing
in the center of the room, chest and feet bare, he gave his handiwork a
critical
once-over. A good portion of his time and effort had been spent
on
a surprise for Marie: borne - truth be told - out of desperation rather
than
inspiration, but one that he sincerely hoped would get the job done and
please
her at the same time.
Picking up the hammer and chisel again, he wiped the sweat from his
face
with his discarded t-shirt and went back to work. So great was
his
concentration - to say nothing of the noise he was making and the
dizzying
paint fumes - that he neither heard the approach nor registered the new
smell
until the very moment that a female voice, dripping with sarcasm, spoke
up
from the doorway.
"Well, well - aren't you just a regular Mr-Fix-It...."
It was fortunate for Beth that the Wolverine recognized her scent in
the
split second before Logan spun around, and he managed - if only just
barely
- to avoid rewarding her with a gut-full of Adamantium. Instead,
fists
clenched and bristling at the surprise - and unwelcome - intrusion, he
rose
up to his full height and snarled, "How the fuck did you get in here? "
Beth's eyes widened and she stumbled backward momentarily before fixing
him
with a glare and stubbornly, if not a bit shakily, holding her
ground.
While he was clearly the same Pissed-Off-And-Scary Guy that she'd first
seen
in the library, and then again in Marie's car, there was much more of
him
available for her perusal this time around. In spite of her fear
and
distrust of the man, she couldn't help but stare at the nearly naked
and
undeniably powerful figure standing - and growling - at her from less
than
six feet away. Oh, yeah....he looks a bit different with, uh,
less clothing
on, but I'd recognize that nasty attitude even if I was blindfolded.
"I could, um, ask you the same thing," she bit out. Okay,
good....yep,
anger's good. If I can just keep the anger up, maybe he won't see
how
much he totally creeps me out! "Where's Marie?"
In response, he moved slowly and deliberately, with a predator's grace,
finally
coming to a halt mere inches from the young woman. Beth swallowed
a
gulp as she was presented with an up-close and personal look at the
powerful
build, impossibly broad shoulders, impressive expanse of solid,
dark-furred
chest, and large biceps which were currently bulging due to the
rhythmic
flexing of two clenched fists that looked for all the world like they
were
itching to connect with something. She was also acutely aware
that
he was wearing nothing more than jeans, sweat and sawdust, and that
might've
even been a very good thing if it wasn't for the feral scowl etched on
his
face and - unfortunately - focused directly at her.
"Look, Marie's car is in the driveway and I could hear loud noises
coming
from inside. I knocked - several times, in fact! - but nobody
answered...."
Beth squared her shoulders in an effort to hide her trembling.
"...so
I tried the door. 'Turns out it wasn't locked." She'd never
seen
anyone look so wild-eyed and completely pissed off before.
"So....why
don't you just save the 'caveman' routine for someone who's into that
sort
of thing and tell me where Marie is?"
He was still glaring at her and Beth saw his nostrils
flare. What
-? Is he smelling me? What a weirdo!
A gutteral noise
emanated from his chest as he muttered a terse, "She ain't here."
"Yeah?" The look on her face spoke volumes, none of it
good.
"Then what in the hell are you doing here, in her house, if
she's not home?"
Logan scowled. "It's Beth...right?" He was still angry at
the
blonde girl's intrusion, but now there was no mistaking the smell of
fear
and the increasing anxiety coming off of her in waves. He decided
to
just go with it and see where it took him. "I'm here because
Marie
wants me here. Funny thing, though....I coulda sworn I
heard her tell
ya that there was nothin' ta worry about and she'd see ya next week...?"
Beth swallowed hard. He knows my name and that we
talked about
him! Oh, God...he must've forced Marie to tell him about all
about
her friends and family - anybody she's close to, who could cause
trouble for
him! She took a deep breath. "All right, you freak....I
don't know what kind of sick game you're playing, but you obviously
need
serious help. I swear, if you've done anything bad to her, I'll
--"
"You'll what?" He didn't bother disguising his contempt.
"Insult
me some more?"
Beth huffed and pulled her coat tighter around her neck. "I knew
something
wasn't right about you! Oh, yeah...Marie tried making excuses for
your
freak-show act, but I wasn't buying it. You know, I've warned her
about
taking in strays, but she's too damned trusting for her own good.
Well,
let me just tell you something, buddy: I'm nowhere near the
'bleeding
heart' that she is, and having your sorry ass arrested for trespassing
and
murder
and God-knows-what-else won't make me lose any sleep at night -- get my
drift?"
"Murder? What the-?" The expression on his face was one of
amused
disbelief. "You can't be fuckin' serious..."
"I've never been more serious in my life, pal. Marie's got a lot
of
friends around here - people who care about her and believe me, they'd
notice
if she turned up missing. Oh, and if you're even thinking about
snuffing
me so I won't narc you out, you can just forget about it. I'm
expected
at a party pretty soon and they know I came over here to invite Marie,
so
don't try anything funny..."
"Jesus." He shook his head. "I know ya work in a
library,
but I really think ya needta give those John Grisham conspiracy novels
a rest."
He wasn't growling at her any longer, and Beth began to feel a little
more
confident. She snorted. "You're a real funny guy, you know
that?
Don't give up your day job....that is, if you even have one."
Producing
a cell phone from her coat pocket, she waved it meaningfully at
him.
He raised an eyebrow but didn't see any good reason to tell her that if
she
even tried to use it he could have it out of her hand and down her
throat
before she knew what hit her. "I'm only gonna ask you one more
time,
and if I don't get a straight answer I'm calling the cops. You
can
have fun explaining to them just who in the hell you are and what
mental
ward you escaped from, comprende?
Now.....Where. Is.
Marie?
"
A chill ran down Logan's spine. Although loathe to admit it, that
threat
struck a little too close to home. The last thing he wanted was
to
tangle with authorities of any kind. He had no idea who the
people
were that had tampered with him recently: was he an escapee or
had
he been released? For all he knew, there was a damned good
possibility
that they might be actively searching for him. Would they procure
the
cooperation and assistance of local law enforcement agencies, or were
their
methods more...covert? He just didn't know and - until he had
more
to go on - he couldn't risk having to explain about his memory loss or
have
his lack of employment, proper identification, or citizenship
questioned.
Now, however, he had his work cut out for him: Beth's suspicions - and
considerable
imagination - were already aroused, and Logan knew he would have to
proceed
very carefully if he was going to appease her and let her think she'd
bested
him without also making her think it was due to her threat about
involving
the police. Way to go, dumbass...you've really dug yourself
in
deep this time, haven't ya. Okay, time to call her bluff....and
let's
hope that's all it is.
"I don't have time for this shit....I got work to do." Snarling,
he
abruptly turned away, picking up the hammer and chisel and effectively
dismissing
her without a care. After a brief pause, he glanced at her over
his
shoulder. "Why are ya still standin' there? If ya wanna run
to
the cops, go right ahead. Ya still got time before Marie gets
back
to come up with a good explanation as to why the guy she hired to
renovate
her guest room is sitting in jail for her murder....right?" He
chuckled
before turning his back on her again. "This'll be one New Year's
Eve
she'll never forget. Hey, who knows? Maybe she'll even
visit
ya in your padded room someday and you can both laugh about it?"
"When Marie gets back from where? " He couldn't see Beth's
expression,
but the change in her scent indicated she wasn't nearly as confident as
she
had been only moments before. His ruse was working and Logan
breathed
an inner sigh of relief. Still, he wasn't out of the woods yet...
"Christ, how the hell should I know? I'm just tryin' ta get a job
done
for her..." He muttered to himself and put the tools down again,
sighing
heavily as he pretended to search his memory. "I think she said
she
had a meetin' ta go to....somewhere south of here, maybe, like
Westhaven
or Westover --"
"Westchester?" Beth supplied. "She goes there sometimes, on
business.
Is that it?"
"Yeah, that might be it." Logan nodded impatiently. "I
wasn't
payin' that much attention. Truth is, it don't really matter to
me
where she went....but she did say to have this room fixed up before she
got
back and I ain't gettin' shit done with you here bitchin' at me."
He
fixed her with a pointed look. "Now, if ya don't mind...?"
Beth pocketed the cell phone, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Fine.
I'll go...for now. But mark my words, I will be checking
back
with Marie later on, and - so help me - if I find out she never went to
Westchester
today or if she doesn't come back before too long, I'm gonna --"
"Yeah, yeah...." Logan rolled his eyes and raised a hand to shush
her.
"Don't let the door hitcha in the ass on the way out. It might
leave
a bruise and I ain't takin' the rap for that, too."
Beth's eyes narrowed and she regarded him coolly. "You really are
a
cocky sonofabitch, you know that? Well, here's a news flash, pal:
a
guy like you doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of being with a
woman
like Marie. She deserves better and we both know it, so I
wouldn't get
too attached if I were you." Turning to leave the room, she shook
her
head, pity flaring in her eyes. "There's probably a good reason
why your sorry
ass was out there on the road - alone - and sooner or later, she'll
realize
that. Then you'll be right back where you started."
Logan remained standing - fists clenched and breathing hard - in the
middle
of the guest room for a full minute after he heard the front door
close. That went well. Christ. Truth be
told, the confrontation
with Beth had shaken him up more than he cared to admit. Her
parting
words had flayed into him like a dull knife. At the same time, he
was
both disgusted with himself for giving a good shit what anyone else -
besides
Marie - thought of him, and annoyed that he hadn't at least tried to
make
more of an effort to win her friend over. If he was ever going to
prove
to Marie that he was worthy of being with her, alienating someone that
she
was obviously fond of and who had been such a good friend to her was
not
exactly a step in the right direction. Dammit! He
sighed
in frustration. Too late now. If that was a test,
I definitely
flunked it
He felt something bump into him and looked down to see Winston rubbing
against
his legs. Shaking his head, he muttered, "Uh, huh. I see ya
waited
til she was gone to come out. Thanks for the show of
support."
Winston just blinked with big yellow eyes and stretched, nudging
Logan's
calf with his head again. Logan sighed, picking the animal up and
cradling
him to his chest, reveling in the solid warmth against his bare
skin.
As the cat began kneading his shoulder contentedly, he enjoyed the
brief
but very welcome respite from the cold, hard splash of reality he'd
just
encountered. God, sometimes he really wished people could be more
like
animals, with the whole "no hidden agendas here - what you see is what
you
get" thing that they had going for them. In his humble opinion,
if
mankind could just learn to use its five senses to immediately
determine
whether someone was lying or recognize friend from foe, the world would
be
a much more straightforward place. At the very least, the number
of
bullshit confrontations like the one he'd just endured would be greatly
reduced!
Glancing down at Winston, he smiled ruefully. "Anyone ever tell ya that
you're
a damned good judge of character?" The cat had no comment, so
Logan
gave him a final scratch behind the ears before he placed the purring
feline
back on the floor and headed toward the bathroom to start washing up.
He wanted a shower but - fearful of possibly missing Marie's call -
decided
to settle for a soapy washcloth instead. As he was drying off in
front
of the sink, a noise from outside snagged his attention. Had Beth
changed
her mind about not calling in the cavalry? Senses on full-alert,
he crept down the hallway toward the front door, peering out
the window at the top.
Beth's car was still in the driveway and she was trying desperately to
get
the engine to turn over. Thankfully she was still alone,
but
Logan closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer skyward that the vehicle
would
start by itself. When it became apparent several long moments
later
that that wasn't going to happen, he groaned and raked a hand through
his
hair. Another snide comment showdown with Beth was the last thing
he
wanted - until he realized with a start that perhaps this was his
chance
to do some damage control? And just why in the hell do I care
so goddamned much about that anyway? Jesus... My hookin' up with
Marie
might be makin' me a better person, but I wasn't countin' on it turnin'
me
into a pansy-ass do-gooder in the process!
--------------------------------------------
"Need some help?"
Beth looked up in surprise, the string of epithets that she'd just
lavished
on the $18,000 piece of junk she still owed another year of payments on
momentarily
forgotten. Logan was standing a few feet away, beat-up leather
jacket thrown over
over
his bare chest, sucking on a cigar. The cold didn't appear to
bother
him and she shivered, glaring at him as she attempted to muster up the
last
of her dignity.
"I don't need any help from you. Everything's just fine."
With some effort, Logan tamped down his first instinct, which was to
smirk
and reply in kind....instead, he puffed steadily on the cigar and
settled
for quirking an eyebrow at her. "Didn't sound fine. So
what's
the problem?"
"Well, gee, Mr-Fix-It....if I knew that, then there wouldn't be a
problem....would
there?"
Again, with effort, he kept his face impassive and his tone
casual.
"..'Depends. Diagnosin' is one thing - fixin' is another."
Her
angry, flustered expression was almost comical to him now, but he
figured
he'd better put an end to their verbal sparring and get down to
business.
"Pop the hood."
Beth did as he asked, crossing her arms over her chest and raising her
chin
defiantly as he approached the car. Logan wedged the cigar
between
his teeth and leaned under the hood, momentarily disappearing from
view.
From the space inbetween the hood and the frame she could see him
jiggling
wires and testing connections. Finally he instructed her to "Try
it
now." She promptly did so, but the engine only emitted a metallic
clicking
sound and refused to turn over.
Logan grunted and went back to work under the hood. She waited in
silence,
hoping that he'd find the problem and that it wouldn't be anything too
serious....she so couldn't afford a major car repair bill right
now!
While she certainly didn't trust or even like the guy, Beth found
herself
unable to tear her gaze away as the quick, surprisingly intelligent
hazel
eyes made their assessment, and the rough-looking hands with their
long,
graceful fingers probed skillfully at the engine. In spite of
herself,
her interest was piqued and she was forced to concede that maybe he
really
wasn't as much of a caveman as she'd initially thought, wondering - not
for
the first time - why he was even bothering to help her out when she'd
been
nothing but, well....downright rude to him. Then again, he wasn't
exactly
campaigning for Mister Congeniality, either....
"Fire it up."
The command sounded more confident this time, but Beth still muttered
to
herself - Would if I could, big guy.. - as she turned the key
in the ignition. To her
surprise and delight, the car came to life, sputtering a little until
she
gave it more gas, and then finally settling into its customary rhythmic
purr
as if nothing had happened. She stamped her feet and flicked the
heater
controls on high, enduring the blast of cold air in anticipation of the
heat
that was to come.
Logan put the hood back down and came around to the driver's side
window,
wiping his hands on his jeans. Beth squinted up at him, his
features
now in silhouette with the last of the day's sunshine slowly fading
behind
him, and she suddenly felt contrite.
"So, um....what was wrong with it?"
He rubbed a hand over his chest, leaving a streak of grease
behind.
"Distributor cap had condensation in it. Where do you keep the
car
when you're not drivin' it?"
Caught off-guard by the question, Beth stammered, "Uh, I usually park
it
in the garage that's underneath my building....why?" Her eyes
widened.
"Do you think maybe somebody did something to it?"
Logan smiled briefly and she realized that he was actually sorta
nice-looking
when he wasn't frowning, scowling or growling at her.
"Nah....this
kinda thing just happens once in awhile. It's probably from the
extreme
temperatures we've been havin'. You should try lettin' the engine
cool down outside - maybe in a driveway or at a curb
- before parkin' it in the garage."
"So, are you saying this might happen again?
He shrugged. "It might. Lettin' it cool down first should
keep
the condensation to a minimum, but if that don't help, then you'll
probably
just need a new distributor cap. They don't cost much....about
fifteen
dollars or so. I can, uh, put it on for ya, if ya need me
to." I can't believe I just offered to do that for her.
Aww,
what the hell....if that don't win me points, then I don't know what
will.
Heh.
"Thanks. Thanks a lot. I, um....I appreciate it."
Beth
glanced at him sheepishly. "I just realized, I ...uh...don't even
know
your name..."
He hadn't told his real name to anyone but Marie in a very long time -
or
maybe never at all - and he was even more reluctant to do so now.
Somehow,
though, he didn't think the fragile truce he'd just achieved with Beth
would
be helped along if he told her to call him 'Wolverine'. With a
resigned
sigh, he murmured, "It's Logan."
"Uh...is that your first name, or your last?"
That was the same question Marie had put to him, when they'd first
introduced
themselves. The memory of it brought what could only be described
as 'butterflies' to his stomach.
The hell-? He shook his head. "...Just Logan. 'Never
liked all that formal
shit anyway."
Beth smiled back, tentatively, as if trying it out on him to gauge his
reaction.
"I guess, maybe, I was...a little hard on you, uh - back there.
I'm...really
sorry."
He chewed on the cigar and finally allowed the smile full access to his
face.
"Ya know, not all guys are assholes...." At Beth's
clearly skeptical
look, he held up his hands. "Okay....so maybe we all have a
little
bit of asshole in us, and maybe some of us even have a lot, but a few
of
us....well - we don't, uh, really mean ta be that way." He blew a
perfect
smoke ring into the air, jamming the cigar back in his mouth and
hooking
his thumbs in his pockets in a casual posture. "..'Sides, I know
you
were only lookin' out for Marie's safety and, in my book, that makes ya
one
helluva good friend. She's damned lucky to have ya."
"No, we're both lucky." Beth cocked her head. "I
haven't known
Marie very long - less than two years - but we have one of those
relationships
that feels like we've known each other forever, you know?" Logan
didn't
know, exactly, having never experienced that with anyone before, but he
realized
with no small amount of shock that it felt very much the same way
between
Marie and himself as well. He wondered what that meant, if
anything?
Beth went on, "Marie and I....we watch out for each other. In
this
day and age, we all need somebody we can trust....someone you can count
on
to be there for you."
Logan nodded. Yeah, I'm beginnin' to see that... He
cleared his throat, shifting his weight awkwardly while he thought
about
what he was going to say. Finally, he settled for a gruff
question.
"Were ya around when that little prick hurt her?"
"What little pri-- Oh, you mean Bryan? She told you about him,
huh?" Beth shook her
head,
looking a little surprised. "Yeah. What an asshole!
Personally,
I never understood what Marie saw in the guy, but she really liked
him.
She thought they had something special, and then he just suddenly
dumped
her without even a decent explanation! She never said much, and
to
be honest I wondered if there wasn't more to it than she was letting
on,
but either way it really knocked her on her ass. They'd only been
going
out for a few months, and Marie was really enjoying "being courted" and
all
that stuff. I don't think she's had that many boyfriends, and I
thought
it was kinda sweet that she wanted to take things slow, but I guess
Bryan
didn't find it quite as endearing." She gave Logan a pointed
look.
"You know, I'm gonna be totally honest here: you strike me as the
kinda
guy who's used to getting what he wants, especially where women are
concerned.
Well, let me say this....if you're even remotely thinking about pushing
Marie
for something she's not ready to give, just....don't, okay? I
really
mean that. Do Not Hurt Her."
"People ain't always what they seem. Sometimes ya just need ta
give
'em another chance, or maybe even look at 'em a little
differently."
He grunted in surprise, wondering where in the hell that philosophy had
come
from, and then realized that it had to be Marie's influence on
him. She
had
a way of rubbing off on people and making them want to be better than
they
were, and he was obviously no exception. "I never asked Marie for
help.
She offered it and....well, she's a hard one to refuse." He
glanced
at Beth and noticed that her scent had changed - she wasn't on the
defensive
any longer and the wariness had left her eyes. Turning his head,
he
stared down the road in the direction that he would be taking to pick
up
Marie very soon and found himself missing her more than he'd even
imagined
he would. "She helped me out and I'm just tryin' to pay her
back."
He dropped the cigar into the snow and ground it out with the heel of
his
boot. "I promise ya, I ain't gonna hurt her. I wouldn't do
that....cuz, well...I do care about her, just like you."
"MmmHmm." Beth nodded, looking at him as if taking his advice and
seeing
him anew. "I think you really do." At that moment, she'd
made
up her mind. In her knowledgeable yet oh-so-humble opinion, Marie
could
do a lot worse than this Just-Logan....even if he was in dire need of a
shave
and a session - or ten - with Miss Manners....and now she could go on
ahead
to her New Year's Eve party with a clear conscience, knowing that with
any
luck Marie would be having a fairly intimate little party of her own
tonight.
You go, girl. I still think you need your head examined for getting
involved with this guy, but I can see he's really got it bad for
you. If anybody
deserves some happiness in their lives, you do, so far be it for me
to stand in the way of Love Eternal....or, at the very least, Love
Right
Now!
---------------------------------------------
Logan sat down at the kitchen table, his head cradled in both
hands.
There was still a bit of minor touch-up work to be done in the guest
room, but he was wiped
- both emotionally and physically - and more than willing to call it a
day.
With Marie's admonitions to make sure he had something for lunch
ringing
in his ears, he was suddenly aware that he hadn't eaten anything solid
since
last night, but the dull ache in the pit of his stomach slowly won out
over
his hunger, giving him serious doubts about his ability to keep food
down
at the moment.
A worried glance at the clock informed him it was now 6:09PM. Why
hadn't
Marie called yet? Was she in trouble? The steady ticking of
the
passage of time was the only sound in the otherwise silent house, and
he
found himself desperately trying to remember if he'd ever had someone
to
wait on or be worried about before. For that matter, had there
ever
been anyone who'd waited on or been concerned about him? Somehow,
he
didn't think so and the realization only deepened his melancholy.
Assuming that his growing headache was at least partially due to lack
of
food, he grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter and began
gnawing
on it absently, his mind refusing to stop replaying the confrontation
with
Beth, despite his best efforts not to think about it. Even though
she'd
apologized profusely for the things she'd said - while at the same time
informing
him in no uncertain terms that she fully expected to take Marie up on
her
offer to 'see you next week' - he simply couldn't argue with some of
the
comments the petite blonde had made. Logan had absolutely no
intentions
of ever harming Marie physically, but he was painfully aware of the
better-than-good
possibility that he would do emotional damage to her, intentional or
otherwise. Face the facts, bub....you're not
exactly long-term, steady relationship material. For
that matter,
what in holy hell did he know about relationships at all - long-term or
otherwise? This was unchartered territory for him, and he didn't
have a clue about how to navigate it.
Although his memory could in no way be completely trusted, he was
almost
positive that there had never been anyone special in his life.
Truth
be told, there really hadn't even been all that many women sharing his
bed....certainly
not as many as he knew would be expected of a rough-and-tumble guy like
himself.
Therein, of course, lay the paradox: his love 'em and leave 'em
persona
was a sham. A ruse, adopted not because he had any real desire to
use
them for a night - discarding them like yesterday's newspaper without a
backward
glance in the hours before dawn - but because it usually kept all but
the
most persistent - or foolhardy - at a wary distance. Sharing
one's
body in an intimate manner, even if only for a short while, tended to
lead
to the sharing of other things. Maybe it was just a slip of the
tongue
- something not meant but said in the heat of passion. Or worse -
perhaps
it was meant but had no business being said, as there was nowhere for
it
to go and no good could come of it being spoken.
But...most damning of all were the touches. The Wolverine had
never
known touch without pain - or a price - attached, and usually it was a
lot
of both. Although he'd certainly never asked for the things that
had
been done to him, it was something he was accustomed to and there was
even
a degree of comfort involved, for he knew exactly what to expect and,
therefore,
couldn't be disappointed. If forced to admit it, though, there
were
times - alone in some godforsaken hotel room in the middle of the night
-
when he hungered for more.... ....indeed, his very soul seemed to be
crying
out for a caring touch, delivered for no other reason or motive than to
make
him feel cherished and wanted.....an unending thirst that could never
even
come close to being slaked.
Knowing that he could never have these things - that wishing and
longing
for them would only lead to disappointment and heartache - he'd
long-ago
erected walls around his true self, closing off his desires in the hope
that
- given enough time and neglect - that part of his psyche would
eventually
wither and dry up, no longer able to wield the power to taunt and
torment
him. Logan knew society viewed him as callous, self-centered and
even
unfeeling, and that was just fine with him. It wouldn't do at all
if
his carefully constructed reputation was exposed for the facade that it
was
- a flimsy but nonetheless effective shield against the real reason for
keeping
himself apart from the world: it wasn't that he was unfeeling but
rather
that he simply felt too much.
Now -- all because of a young girl with dark hair and even darker eyes
who
had not only risked but survived a glimpse into the dismal, windowless
prison
that housed his soul -- it felt as though the dam was close to bursting
and
the floodgates were beginning to crack under the strain. Things
that
he hadn't felt in several lifetimes....perhaps had never felt
before....were
awakening and fragile yet, but clinging to life within him. He
knew
that a time would surely come when these dreams and emotions could no
longer
be confined inside him and, when that happened, they'd begin their
quest
for a way out. If they succeeded in finding a chink in the armor, there
was
no doubt in his mind that the Wolverine would claw its way to freedom
as
well. Could Logan afford for that to happen? By keeping the
Man's
wants and needs and desires at bay, he'd also managed - barely - to
keep
his Animal side docile, only letting it out under controlled
circumstances
and when absolutely necessary. Now that the walls had been
breached,
would the Animal simply be content with its newly-gained freedom and
live
peacefully side-by-side with the Man.....or would it insist on nothing
less
than total dominance?
There was one thing that Logan knew with complete and utter certainty:
the
Wolverine viewed Marie as his and it would stop at nothing to claim
her.
In spite of his fear of hurting her and his misgivings about just what,
if
anything, he had to offer, Logan wanted her too - albeit for different
reasons.
The problem was, there could only be one victor in this particular
courtship
and the animal was not inclined to share its spoils with anyone.
Even
if Logan could find it within himself to back off, thus granting Marie
a
brighter and more secure future, the Wolverine would never give
up.
Therefore, he really had no choice but to participate. And unless
he
was somehow able to find a way to muzzle the increasingly feral beast,
Logan
had no illusions as to just which one of them the spoils from the
battle
would ultimately be rewarded to.
The ringing of the telephone interrupted his musings and he bolted out
of
the chair, snatching up the receiver without bothering to let the
answering
machine take the call. "Marie?!"
"Yeah, it's me." Marie's laughter was like music to his ears,
even
as she sounded puzzled by his frazzled tone. "Logan....are you
okay?
You sound....I dunno, kinda breathless --"
He struggled to calm his racing heart. "Nah, I'm - I was just
workin'
hard, that's all. Got the guest room almost done...."
"Oh! Already? I mean, I'm really glad but, uh, you didn't
need to finish it
all today...."
"Yeah, I know --" Damn, it's good to hear her voice....she
sounds like
an angel. He realized with a start that he was feeling a
little
nervous at the thought of going to pick her up and seeing her
again.
Though they'd only been apart for a few hours, it felt more like
several
days had gone by. "It's just that, well, once I got started,
everythin'
just worked out and....I, uh, even got a surprise for ya."
"Really? For me?" The quick intake of breath on the other
end
of the line made his heart soar. "How sweet! ..But Logan,
you
didn't need to do --"
"S'okay...I wanted to." He cleared his throat. "So....when
do
ya need me to come getcha?" God, I hope it's soon darlin',
cuz
I don't think I can stand it here much longer without ya...
"Scott's waiting for me in the Blackbird right now. I'll be there
in
about 20 minutes." He could hear the smile creeping in to her
voice.
"Are you sure you don't need me to give you directions?"
At the mention of the guy waiting for her on the plane So,
the
pretty boy's name is 'Scott', huh? jealousy pricked at
him again.
Still, he couldn't help grinning back, feeling as giddy as a teenager
facing
his first date. Marie might be with *Scott* at the moment, but
she
was coming home to spend New Year's Eve with him. Yep, life was
damned
good. "You just make sure he's real careful flyin' that thing,
and
I'll be there waitin'..." ...Wearin' my heart on my
sleeve.
Jesus. Who woulda ever guessed that the new year could really
mean
a brand new start for someone as jaded and used up as me?
-----------------------------------------
Posted May 2002
