Indomitable Will, Tender Heart - 19
Author: Taryn
Email: Write
Me!
Rating: Strong R (language - this chapter)
Disclaimer: Don't own them, yadda yadda. See Chapter 1...
Author's Notes: Yep, they're still in bed --
is anyone complaining? The fortunes in the cookies in this
chapter are ones that I've actually received, albeit 4 months apart,
after ordering Chinese takeout. While I'm fairly certain the
"scribes" who come up with them didn't have Logan in mind when they
created the one I gave to him, he immediately popped into MY head when
I read it. Go figure...? Oh,
and there's a small, sort-of-nod to a scene in "Swordfish" in this
chapter -- can you find it? ;-)
---------------------------------------------------
When Marie awoke sometime later, the first thing she noticed was that
the light filtering through the window blinds had a distinctive,
late-afternoon slant to it. I can't believe we've spent the
entire day in
bed....not that I'm complaining or anything! The next thing
she became aware of was the insistent rumbling of Logan's stomach, only
inches away from her ear. Marie raised her head to look at him
and
found that he was already gazing down at her. "Hungry?" she murmured
with
a smile.
"Sorry, darlin'....I know I've been eatin' ya outta house and home
--" Although his tone was sheepish, the look in his eyes was
positively wicked. "..but healin' factors use up a helluva lot of
energy and mine's really been put through its paces lately...."
He watched with an almost impish delight as the meaning behind his
words sank in and a
hot blush crept from Marie's cheeks down to her chest. She
recovered
quickly, though, and sparkling brown eyes met his hazel ones.
"Hmm....I have been going through a few more groceries than
usual, but that's all right. It's really been kinda nice, cooking
for someone with such a hearty appetite." She abruptly got up out
of bed, pulling her robe on - not so much an admission of modesty
as it was a barrier against the chilled air in the cottage - dodging
and laughing as Logan made a teasing grab for her. "None of that,
now, sugar. You just wait here while I go get us something to
eat. We've gotta keep that healing factor nourished, 'cause I'm
sure-as-hell not done giving it a workout." There was immediate
interest under the
sheet as he caught the innuendo in her words, and Marie grinned as his
mouth
dropped open. "What? You're not the only one with an appetite..."
Before
he could respond, she flipped him a wink over her shoulder and - with a
pronounced sway of her hips - promptly disappeared down the hallway.
Still chuckling to himself, Logan lay back against the pillows,
stretching his long legs and tucking his hands behind his head.
The air was suffused with their co-mingled scents, and while the
Wolverine
resumed its restless pacing within the confines of his soul, Logan was
more at peace than he could ever remember feeling before.....hell, or
ever,
for that matter. It occured to him, then, that although he'd been
more than a bit concerned about their physical relationship happening a
little too fast for Marie, his worry had all been for naught.
Beneath
that demure, uncertain exterior lurked a sensual little vixen with a
zest
for life ...and a few other things. Heh... - who
was proving to be more than capable of keeping up with him! The
Animal, of course, had no such misgivings, having recognized Marie as
its mate long before realization finally dawned for the Man. It
knew, in the most elemental way, that the Man was only fooling himself,
with his absurd belief that he'd ever really had a choice in the
matter. To admit - to accept - the truth.....it was the Man's
destiny, and the Wolverine had impatiently bided its time, knowing it
would - ultimately - be vindicated in the end. Some things
just....were.
When Marie came back into the bedroom carrying food, with Winston
scampering along just behind, she nearly dropped the heavy tray at the
sight that greeted her. She'd been aware, of course, that Logan
had gotten out of bed, having heard him using the bathroom while she
was in the kitchen getting them something to eat. He'd even
called in to her and offered his assistance, but she'd politely
declined. Still, she hadn't been expecting to find him standing
in front of her desk in the far corner of the room, completely naked
and apparently engrossed in studying a framed print hanging on the
wall, just above the computer.
Setting the filled tray squarely on the bed, she shooed Winston
away from it for the third time and turned to look at Logan
again.
He was leaning on the desk chair, arms braced, as he took in the
details of the picture, and Marie thought - no, knew - that a
more magnificent backside couldn't possibly exist. Good
Lord.....I swear that man's body should come with a warning label!
Feeling herself growing warm, she cleared her throat and laid the
honeyed southern accent on extra-thick. "I do declare! I
brought us a fine dinner, but suddenly I'm just not hungry for food..."
Logan merely glanced at her over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised
knowingly. "...Somethin' else you'd rather snack on, baby?"
She favored him with a sultry look, coming up behind him and pressing
herself against his length, her hands roaming purposefully over his
chest
and abdomen. "Mmmm....there sure is, sugar. The good news
is, it's non-caloric. The bad? Highly addictive.
Still,
everyone has their vices, and --" her hands skimmed lower, caressing
his
thighs and hips "-- I'd say I've got myself a brand new one."
He chuckled, sounding both amused and turned on. "Does that mean
I even rank above chocolate?" Marie nodded, pressing her face
against his back so that he could feel the wicked grin forming there.
"Oh, yeah. Although, now that you mention it, it might be fun to
combine the two....?"
Already hard, Logan stiffened even further as a vision of Marie
licking chocolate syrup off his body flitted through his brain.
Before she had a chance to react he pivoted on his heel, cupping her
face with both hands and
covering her mouth with his, the effect her words had on him punctuated
by the straining flesh trapped between their bodies. As their
tongues
dueled, she grasped his buttocks in both hands and gave them a firm
squeeze,
giggling as a growl rumbled up from the depths of his chest and his
erection
twitched insistently against her stomach. With much effort, he
pulled
back and held her at arms length, a smirk on his face even while he was
trying to catch his breath and force his heart-rate back to
normal.
It didn't help matters that Marie's breathing was also erratic and her
eyes were bright with barely concealed longing. If I didn't
know better, I'd say her 'inner vixen' wants ta eat me alive....heh.
"I'd like nothin' better than ta feast on you, darlin'. But if
you're plannin' to push the ol' healin' factor to its limits again, I
really think I'd better eat some of what's on that tray first."
"No problem, sugar." Marie inhaled deeply, struggling to rein-in
her unleashed hormones. Hellooo, libido....enjoying the
party? I know you're
thrilled to finally see daylight and I admit we've got some serious
catching
up to do, but would you mind too terribly much if I grab some
refreshment before we hit the dance floor again? Swallowing
hard, she settled for flashing him a saucy smile. "Just make sure
to save room for dessert!" Catching his hand in hers, she led him
back over to the bed. Winston had been doing his best to work a
paw under the lid of one of the containers and Marie set him down on
the floor with a disapproving look before sitting cross-legged next to
Logan. As she started to remove the lids from the dishes, she
absently tucked her robe around her bare legs, watching
out of the corner of her eye when Logan followed her lead and draped a
portion of the sheet over his lower body, winking at her as he did
so. The
big black cat saw his opportunity and jumped back up on the bed,
meowing
loudly as he worked his way between them. He made a beeline for
the
largest container, now uncovered, but Logan was quicker, scooping him
up
and setting him back on the floor.
"What's his problem? You been starvin' him?"
"It's the chicken - he's always been crazy for it." Marie
rolled her eyes, sighing. "Really, it's pointless trying to keep
him away from here....he's even more stubborn than I am when there's
something he wants..."
They wasted no time heaping plates with cold fried chicken, spiced
apples, corn bread and mashed potatoes that Marie had reheated in the
microwave. She'd also snagged two cans of Molson's for Logan and
made coffee for herself. The silence was comfortable while they
concentrated on their meal, but Marie noticed the introspective look on
Logan's face as he handed bits of chicken to a grateful Winston, his
eyes drifting repeatedly back to the picture on the wall. It was
a colorful foil print of a famous author sitting
at his writing desk, quill pen in hand, dreaming up yet another
fanciful
tale while many of his beloved characters cavorted in the candlelight
around him. Taking a sip of coffee, she wiped her mouth with a
napkin and decided to ask him about it.
"Um....is everything okay, Logan?"
"What?" He was effectively startled out of his reverie, glancing
over at her with a confused expression. Wow, he's either just
had a memory flashback....or he's seen a ghost! Even
though she was fully aware that her scent would give away her concern,
Marie tried for a casual shrug.
"You've been staring at that picture like....well, like maybe you've
seen it somewhere before...?"
Now it was Logan's turn to shrug, draining his first can of Molson's
and tossing the crumpled aluminum in the wastebasket next to the bed
before replying. "Nah, I'm fine. It's just...
...hmph." His
eyes flickered back to the picture. "..I, uh -- I think I know that
guy."
Marie smiled and popped another piece of cornbread in her mouth.
"Oh, I doubt that, sugar. He died more than a hundred years
ago...." She swallowed abruptly, nearly choking as a thought
began taking shape in her mind. Logan had told her that his
healing factor prevented him from aging like other people. That,
coupled with his memory loss, would make his true age almost impossible
to determine. While she'd rectified herself fairly easily to the
idea that he could actually, in theory, be older than her grandfather,
it was still more than a little jarring to realize that his origins
might even extend farther back than that. Oh My God....is it
possible? Could he really have known --?
At the look of amazement on her face, Logan snorted. "Hell,
no....I never met the guy." He smirked as she started to stammer
an explanation, adding, "Not that I remember, anyway." The smirk
became a grin when Marie gave him an exasperated look. "I meant
that
I know who he is."
"Oh!" Marie's eyebrows shot high above her coffee cup as she took
another sip. "Well, that's good...isn't it? Your recognizing him
-- do you think it means something?"
"..Dunno." Logan shook his head, still studying the framed
picture. "He was a writer....Norwegian, maybe. I think
Andersen was his last name." His mood sobered, his
mouth set in a thin line as he searched through his memory. "I
know he
wrote a buncha stuff for kids....fairy tales, mostly. But they
were -- hell, these weren't sugar-coated. Some of his stories
were real dark. Depressin', even. And there was.....someone
who liked ta quote from 'em.....who -- Shit! "
Logan squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to get a better look at the
elusive memory, but his grasp was already tenuous and the recollection
slipped away despite his efforts. He groaned in frustration,
hazel eyes coming open again to refocus on Marie.
"Damn -- I lost it. I dunno if it means anythin' or not,
but
it was right there. The minute I saw that picture, somethin' just
clicked...."
"You're right about who he is," Marie said softly. Maybe if she
gave him some
additional information, it might help him recall the fragment
again? "His name was Hans Christian Andersen. He was born
in Denmark in the early 1800's and died around 1875, I
think." She
cocked her head, watching Logan's face closely as she continued.
"I remember learning about him in one of my Arts and Literature
classes.
He was a well-respected writer - mostly of children's fairy tales
- and you're also right about many of them being....well, kind of
'dark'. That's because he grew up very poor, so
themes like
poverty and abandonment tended to crop up a lot in his writing.
Still, Andersen himself
was actually an optimist and also a very religious man. He
believed
in a loving God, and the majority of his works ended on a positive
note....even if the route taken to get there was a bit
depressing! You might,
um, be familiar with some of his better-known stories, like 'The Little
Mermaid' and 'The Emperor's New Clothes', or maybe even 'The Brave Tin
Soldier' --"
"I may speak to no one
of the gnawing beast within. My secret is my prisoner. If I
let
the captive escape, I shall be his."
He spoke barely above a whisper, his voice sounding strange - a
dull monotone, like a recitation. Marie shivered and rubbed the
gooseflesh that had suddenly erupted on her arms, unable to stop
staring at Logan. His eyes had a far-away look to them, as though
he wasn't even in the same room with her any longer. When he
didn't say anything more, she put a tentative hand on his bare
shoulder, applying a gentle - and
she hoped reassuring - pressure.
"...Logan?"
He was rhythmically flexing his hands, clenching and unclenching his
fists, and it was another long moment before he was willing - or able?
- to pull himself back from whatever dark place he'd just been
visiting. Blinking once, twice....he shook his head as if to
clear the cobwebs and turned a very intense gaze on her.
"Marie? Sorry....shit. Sorry, baby.
Wha--? Did I just....?"
She nodded, her heartbeat thready as she licked at lips that had
suddenly gone dry. ""It's okay, Logan...."
He frowned. "What did I say?"
Is this memory going to help him, or hurt him? God, I just
don't know... Marie took a deep breath and - in a surprisingly
steady voice - repeated the words, reaching up and smoothing a wayward
shock of hair away from his face as she did so. Logan closed his
eyes, unconsciously leaning in to her touch, then scrubbed a hand over
his jaw when she finished speaking, exhaling a breath he hadn't
realized he was even holding.
"Jesus....where the fuck did that come from?"
Marie shook her head. "I think it's a quote from one of
Andersen's stories, but I'm not quite sure which one...." Setting
her nearly empty plate down on the bed, she brushed crumbs from her lap
and stood up, walking purposefully over to her computer desk.
Glancing back at him over her shoulder, she smiled gently at the
puzzled look on his face. "It's a memory, Logan - a possible clue
to your past. It may not
turn out to be anything significant, but I really think we should at
least
try to find out more about it....don't you agree?"
His only response was a curt nod as he took a long swig from his second
beer, but Marie knew he was more on-board with that plan than he was
letting on. While he finished his meal, she sat down and booted
up the system. Although he'd been in her bedroom several times,
his attention had always been occupied by other things - Damn,
straight...heh - and it was only now that Logan took note
of
the fact that Marie had not one but three computers.
He was the first to admit he didn't know all that much about
computers....'didn't have the patience for them, to be honest, although
there was a lingering, niggling suspicion he may have utilized them -
well and often - in the past. Still, despite - or maybe because of -
that, even he could tell these
PCs were networked together; as Marie typed her query into
one, each screen came to life, the flow of data being displayed on all
three
screens simultaneously.
"That's one helluva hi-tech set-up you got there, darlin'."
Leaning forward, eyebrows arched dangerously high onto his
forehead, he grunted
appreciatively. "Does playin' superhero for Xavier really pay that
well?"
One of the eyebrows quirked into a wink. "Or is this just your
inner-geek
comin' out again?"
Marie grinned at him over her shoulder. "A little bit of both,
actually. Charles is very generous. Many of his
former students
choose to live at the mansion after graduation, and he provides their
rooms, meals and other stuff like that free of charge. Since I
chose to live on my own, he insisted on gifting me with the car and
helping me buy this cottage. This, however--" she gestured,
indicating the computers in front of her "--is more of a necessity than
an indulgence."
He frowned, confused, and she went on. "Well, I really wanted to be one
of the X-Men and do what I could to assist Charles, but I didn't want
to continue living in the city. After moving to Cobleskill,
though, I needed a way to stay abreast of any new
developments in the anti-mutant movement as well as the 'mutant
underground'."
Logan's eyebrow quirked again - mutant underground? - but
he
said nothing. "Kitty and I - she was one of my classmates - we
just
seemed to have a knack with the PC's. Kitty opted to stay on at
the
mansion, but we're both in charge of what Bobby refers to as 'cyber
sleuthing'.
See, that's what's so incredible about computers:
you
can live almost anywhere - even in the boonies! - and still stay
in-touch
with everyone and everything. This particular set-up enables me
to
connect to the Internet, the mainframe database that Charles maintains
in
Westchester....and, um, a few others that aren't exactly sanctioned."
Her face was flushed and her eyes were sparkling. Logan could
feel as well as see that this was something she was truly passionate
about, and he envied her that -- the excitement at a new discovery, the
ability to be enthused and in awe. To feel alive.
If he'd ever felt those
things himself, it must have been a very long time ago.
At his silence and the brief flash of melancholy on his face - one that
he probably didn't even realize was there - Marie sobered.
Turning
back around, her fingers danced over the keys as she brought up Google,
her favorite search engine. Once there, she typed the first
portion of the lines Logan had recited - "I can confide my grief to
none" - and added "+Andersen"... ...finally clicking "Search" and
holding up her crossed fingers for Logan to see.
A dizzying array of websites were presented for their inspection, most
of which had nothing to do with what they were looking for, but there
finally - toward the bottom of the page - was the answer they
were
seeking. From his perch on the bed, Logan could see the results
over Marie's shoulder as she tapped the screen and nodded. "Yep,
Andersen
wrote it. It's from a story called 'The Psyche'." Her
forehead
contracted in a frown as she quickly read the rest of the page.
"Hmm....this
isn't as well-known as some of the other stuff, and it's definitely one
of his, um, darker tales." She turned to face Logan, resting her
chin on her arm across the back of the chair. "Did you say
someone liked to quote from this?"
"Yeah....fuckin' arrogant bastard," Logan responded absently as
he handed Winston a final bite of chicken and wiped his fingers on a
napkin. "...Usedta call me a 'pathetic, dumb animal'. 'Said
the only thing I was good for was bein' a lab rat."
Marie swallowed hard. She realized that Logan was again walking
that fine line between present and past and she was hesitant to speak
for fear that any input from her might disrupt his fragile grasp on the
memory. Still, when he remained silent, staring at the floor, she
decided to quietly chance it. "...What else did he say?"
"Lotsa shit. That's what the little prick was best at....runnin'
his mouth. Well, that and cuttin' me open. Usually at the
same time." A feral growl erupted from the depths of his chest,
causing the fur on Winston's back to stand on end. The cat fixed
him with
a wide-eyed stare for only a second before jumping down from the bed
and
making a beeline for the relative safety of the hallway. Too
immersed
in the memory to notice, Logan practically spat his next words.
"...Fucker told me I was such a goddamned animal, I was all but useless
to 'em in the field....they couldn't control me. 'Said I hadta
start 'payin' my dues' as a science project instead --"
Marie barely suppressed a shiver, the air in the cottage seemingly more
chilled than it had been only moments ago. Feeling a bit queasy,
she rested her forehead on her arm for a moment until the sensation
went away. A low moan from the direction of the bed brought her
head back up again, accompanied by a dull throb that she recognized as
the beginning of a nasty tension headache. Glancing at Logan, she
saw that his shoulders were slumped forward, his head cradled in his
hands. Dear Lord - the things they said....the way they used
him! And they called him an animal?!
She got up and padded silently over to the bed, stopping directly in
front of him, their feet not quite touching. When he didn't look
up she knelt down on the floor, insinuating herself between his knees,
her hands resting gently on his thighs. He spoke without raising
his head, his voice ragged around the edges. "I wanted ta kill
the sonofabitch.....tear his limbs off and feed 'em to him. I
still do." Lowering his hands, Logan looked up then, his eyes
meeting hers. The pain Marie saw in the hazel depths negated the
heat in his tone, and her breath caught in her throat like a
sob. "...If that makes me no better than a fuckin' animal,
well....then, maybe he's right."
Oh, sugar, there's far worse things than being an 'animal'.
Those people are living proof of that. Unable to speak around
the lump in her throat, she simply laid her head in his lap and wound
her arms around his hips, hoping to provide at least a measure of
comfort with her touch. After a long moment, Marie felt Logan's
hands on her head, a sigh escaping her lips at the amazing feel of his
fingers gliding
through her hair, caressing her scalp. The sleeting rain, having
stopped sometime while they slept, had begun again. Previously it
had been soothing, but now its distinctive patter against the now-dark
windowpane took on a mournful tone, as though reflecting the mood
within
the cottage. When Marie finally felt in control enough to speak,
she did so without raising her head, her lips moving softly against his
thigh.
"You know...someone once said: 'If you look for the bad in a person,
you'll find it. If you look for the good, you'll find that too'."
She glanced up at him then, gauging his reaction. "The people
who...did those things to you - it was only about what they
needed....what use you could be to them. They didn't care about
the good in you, so of course they couldn't see it." He was
studying her face, wanting desperately to believe, seeking
reaffirmation. Raising up on her knees and taking his hands in
hers, she pressed gentle kisses to his fingertips. "You're
viewing yourself through their eyes, Logan, and that's an ugly,
inaccurate, highly distorted picture. They don't know you....were
never interested in getting to know you. But I do..." She
tapped her chest,
directly over her heart, and then her temple. "There's so much good in
you,
sugar and - believe me - I would know...I've been on the receiving end
of it, remember?"
"Nah....that was all your doin', baby." His voice sounded
funny, even to his own ears, and he cleared his throat, absently
rubbing
the backs of her hands with his thumbs. "You brought it out in
me."
"Perhaps..." she replied without missing a beat, almost as if she'd
known what he was going to say. Looking him full in the eyes, she
spoke with utter conviction. "...but I couldn't have 'brought it
out' if it wasn't there, inside you, to begin with."
In response, Logan pulled her up into his lap, wrapping his arms around
her and burying his face in her hair. The silence that followed
was both comfortable and awkward. Marie knew that he was feeling
overwhelmed by the memories that had been triggered and that he
probably needed some time to process everything. By the
same token,
though, he also seemed to be more calm -- even accepting -- and she
fervently
hoped that her presence, as well as her heartfelt reassurances, had
helped to bring that
about. He's already been put through so much, and no one was
there for him. Now he
has me, but....if his memories do come back, will I be enough
to help him cope with the fallout...?
Then, two things occurred simultaneously: something crinkled in
the pocket of Marie's robe as Logan was hugging her, and the phone
rang. Seeing her chance to change the subject and give him a
little
breathing room, she disengaged herself from his embrace with a smile
and
reached into her robe pocket, tossing something to him as she went to
answer
the phone. "I'd probably better take this call. Here....I
almost forgot about these. Catch! "
He turned the crinkly cellophane packets over in his hand, a frown
creasing his forehead. Somehow he knew what they were -
Chinese fortune cookies? - even though he couldn't recall ever
having one before.
Was this one of Marie's 'holiday traditions', or maybe there was
another
significance to them? Asking her about it would just have to
wait,
because she was currently heading down the hall, engrossed in a very
animated
conversation on the cordless phone. He had a sneaking suspicion
it was Beth on the other end and, after the third reassurance from
Marie
that she was fine - better than fine, even, thankyouverymuch -his
suspicions were confirmed. With a roll of his eyes and a heavy
sigh, he tuned their conversation out as best he could, determined to
give Marie some semblance of privacy in spite of his acute hearing, and
made short work of unwrapping one of the cookies.
Logan was pleasantly surprised to discover that the plain-looking
confection actually boasted a mildly sweet, yet robust, almond
flavor. He was in the process of washing it down with a final
gulp from the second can of Molson's when Marie came back into the
room. She gave him
an apologetic smile as she joined him again on the bed.
"Sorry about that.....it was Beth. She wanted to make sure I was
still alive - literally - and insisted on giving me details about the
guy she met at the New Year's Eve party last night." She rolled
her eyes indulgently. "She also told me to tell you 'thanks',
again, for fixing her car....and she wanted to know what I spent my New
Year's Eve doing...."
"Didja tell her ya got lucky?"
"Logan!" Marie flushed pink with embarrassment. Still, his
mood had certainly lightened and she was secretly glad for Beth's
timely interruption. With a casual shrug, she affected her best
drawl. "A southern lady does not kiss and tell."
"Maybe not..." he chuckled. "..But I'm willin' ta bet a southern vixen
does."
Before he realized what she was going to do, Marie zeroed in on
a sensitive spot just below his ribs, making him jump. She knew
he was ticklish there from the part of him she had in her head and, as
his body tensed predictably, she laughed, deflecting the inevitable
counter-attack by leaping off the bed and away from him, stopping
several feet beyond his reach.
Conceding defeat - for now - he leaned back on his hands, fixing her
with a devastating grin and a knowing lift of his brow.
"So....'Mister Tall, Dark and Growly', huh? Who came up with that
one......you, or Agatha Christie?"
Damn him....he's never going to let me live that down!
"Hah! Don't flatter yourself, Logan. Beth only ever
saw you as 'Pissed Off and Scary Guy'!" At his snort of laughter,
she squared her shoulders. Hands planted firmly on her hips, she
raised her eyebrows at him in return, "Well....so what did you think
about me? Did you check me out at all?" She smirked at
him.
"C'mon, fess up! Heh, I'm sure I made quite a first impression,
with my hair all messy and my cheeks bright red from being out in the
storm..." With a rueful shake of her head, she added, "..And I
think
my nose was even running. Ewww, now there's a turn-on!
Yeah,
I'll just bet I was a sight for sore eyes...."
She was surprised when, instead of yet another cocky reply, Logan's
expression sobered. "Nah....I thought ya were the most beautiful
thing I'd ever seen, ain't no two ways about it." His gaze grew
soft as he thought back to their first meeting. "I was sittin'
there,
pretendin' ta read a book but - truth is - I couldn't take my eyes offa
you. And the whole time I was watchin' ya, I was thinkin' to
myself
that I'd never have anythin' that beautiful - that pure - in my
life....that
I didn't deserve ta have it anyway." His voice was low and rough around
the
edges. "...So I settled for memorizin' your face and your
scent....hell,
everythin' about ya....so maybe I could take a little bit of that
goodness,
that beauty, with me on the road --" He halted, suddenly aware
that
Marie was looking at him with what could only be described as
open-mouthed
shock. Then, as he processed what he'd just told her, he scowled
and
pursed his lips, fearing that perhaps he'd revealed too much. Aww,
fuck.
So much forgettin' away from the depressin' shit. What the hell
is
wrong with me? I hook up with Marie and all of a sudden I'm
babblin'
like an idiot, spillin' my guts about my feelings and shit! Maybe
I
oughta just go on one of them fuckin' talk shows and get it outta my
system.....Christ! Feeling both angry and embarrassed,
he grumbled, "Sorry, darlin'. Sorry. I'm just - aww, hell,
it's been a long day, and we didn't exactly get a lotta sleep last
night, ya know?"
Marie blinked rapidly and swallowed hard, as the tears threatened to
make tracks down her cheeks. "Oh, Logan...." Sitting back
down next to him, she pulled him to her in a firm hug. His arms
tightened around her as he returned the embrace, but he didn't say
anything more and she could feel the tension radiating from his
powerful body. Taking a deep breath, she made herself say the
words before she lost her nerve. "I really want you to
stay. Will you stay here, with me? Please? " Not
wanting to risk a glance at him, her embrace tightened reassuringly and
she went on quickly before he could object. "It doesn't have to
be forever --" ...although that would be all kinds of wonderful...
"-- but do you think, maybe, you could just, um....consider it?
For a little while, anyway?" Marie knew she was skirting a very
fine line between asking and outright begging, but she just had to
convince him....desperately needed to make him see that, even though he
wasn't obligated to her -
not at all - she very much wanted him to remain a part of her
life. We can work out all the details later, but...Dear
God....please just let him say yes!
He pulled away from her then, every muscle tense and his posture wary,
and Marie's heart sank. Shit....shit! I pushed
him too hard. What was I thinking? Bravely, she forced
herself to meet Logan's gaze. I can handle this like an
adult. I am not gonna cry, I'm not....dammit! To
her surprise, far from the anger or fear that she'd been expecting to
see, rather his eyes spoke of disbelief, confusion....and sorrow.
"Marie, I ....there's nothin' I'd like more than ta stay here with
ya. Be a part of your life. Believe me, baby - that's a
helluva lot more than a man like me could hope for. But --" he
frowned, looking down at his hands. " -- ya said it yourself: a
relationship is supposed ta be give and take, and...well,
fuck..." Taking a deep breath, he held up a hand to stave off her
protest. "I ain't got any money ta help ya pay for stuff....hell,
I can't even remember what I usedta do for a livin'. 'Course,
that don't matter much anyway, cuz without citizenship papers - or even
a real identity - I ain't exactly gonna be tearin' up the ol' corporate
ladder anytime soon." Scowling, he stood up, pacing back and
forth, his frustration and nervous energy barely leashed, every muscle
standing out in sharp relief. "The pricks that did this ta me --" Marie
jumped
as he released the claws with a *SNIKT* "-- they fucked me
over real good. Carved up my body, stole my memories....my
life. And now I can't even remember the fuckin' questions
ta ask, let alone
make sense of the answers...if I manage to find 'em." *SNIKT*
The claws disappeared inside his forearms and, while the breath he drew
was shaky this time, his voice was surprisingly steady. "I know
ya really think you can help me out and all....in fact, ya gotta
helluva lot of guts, even bein' willin' ta try....but I got a whole
lotta nothin' ta offer ya -- unless ya count a buncha goddamned
nightmares -- and you'll
just end up wallowin' in the shit with me. God, baby....you
deserve
so much better than that. So much fuckin' better..." He sat
heavily on the bed, looking for all the world as if he'd just had the
wind
knocked out of him.
Leaning over, Marie wrapped her arms around his bare shoulders and
pressed her lips against the warm skin of his neck. "I love you,
Logan, and if you think I'm just going to let you walk out of my life -
never to be seen or heard from again - well, I guess you really don't
know me that well." He started to shake his head, but she ignored
him. "Yes, I did tell you that a relationship consists of both
give and take, but what you apparently failed to grasp is: there's much
more to the whole 'giving' part than just pulling your own
weight. In fact, sometimes what you have to give can't be seen,
or even measured." His confusion was evident, and she smiled,
tracing feathery circles through the hair on his chest, gathering the
chain around his neck and letting it
slip through her fingers with a muffled clink. "You've given me so
much, Logan, and you didn't even know it." Her touch - her very
presence - was having an amazing effect on his body, to say nothing
about his concentration, and he shook his head, swallowing hard.
What? What had he given her? He was clueless....couldn't
imagine what Marie might have gleaned from him that had any meaning --
any real use or value at all. She cupped his face in her hands,
her large brown eyes gazing upon him with such
tenderness and concern.....God, he was such a lowlife bastard. He
wanted her love and her caring.... ..fuck-all, he needed
it. Craved it, truth be told. But he just didn't deserve
it. Didn't deserve her. He --
"You've given me the gift of love. Of respect. Of
self-confidence --" She punctuated each word with a whisper-soft
kiss....on his nose, his cheeks, his eyelids.... "-- Your strength
boosts my strength. Your passion ignites my passion." Her lips
caressed his chin, his eyebrows. "Your discipline and sense of
honor humbles me...." She worshipped his earlobes, his temples.
"It's because of you, Logan. You're responsible. When you
look at me, you make me want to be the person that I see reflected
there, in your eyes. Being with you makes me want to try harder,
do better.....to prove that I'm deserving of the faith you have in me
-- of the love that you have for me."
Sweet Jesus... Her words hit him with the force
of a sledgehammer. She was already so beautiful, so perfect in
his eyes....the fact that she found
herself lacking - ...unworthy of me? - or
needing
any improvement was staggering. It was both wonderful and
daunting,
and so much more than he could have ever dreamed of. His vision
effectively blurred by unshed tears, he reached up blindly and clasped
the back of her head, drawing her to him and claiming her mouth with
his
own. They clung to each other, caught up in an intimate world of
scent
and sensation, their bodies and hearts speaking in the same ancient
language,
far more eloquently than mere words could ever hope to express.
The
Wolverine was strangely quiet, as if even the Animal understood that
there
were moments when the Man's authority was not to be challenged.
Or
perhaps it was simply a matter of Man and Beast finally merging
together
to achieve a common goal -- their agreement unspoken, yet irrevocable.
Logan was beyond caring. Deserved or not, Marie was his and he
was hers. He'd been unsure until this moment, but not any
longer. While expressing himself with words was often tedious and
sometimes downright impossible, he had no such difficulties where his
body was concerned. Wanting to convey to her just how much he
loved and desired her -- how desperately he wanted to be the man she
believed he was inside -- he slowly pressed her down on the bed, moving
dishes and napkins out of the way as they went, his lips burning a
trail down her neck. Marie sighed, her hands sliding up over his
chest, using her nails to lightly tease his
skin. She felt the mattress against her back, and....
*C*R*U*N*C*H*....
Logan halted his nibbling at her neck as she reached beneath her hip
and pulled out what remained of the second fortune cookie, thankfully
still sealed in its cellophane wrapper. Marie started giggling
when she realized that, although his mouth was still on her throat,
Logan's shoulders were shaking with barely contained mirth. His
eyes met hers and he collapsed at her side, his throaty chuckle filling
the room. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed like
that - if he ever had. It sounded...and felt....damned good.
Marie waved the ruined cookie in front of his face with a smirk.
"Is the other one lurking around here somewhere, waiting for a moment
to interrupt?" He shook his head, convinced that he must look
like an idiot....a goofy-ass grin at one end and a very prominent
erection at
the other....but he didn't give a damn. It was totally worth it
to see Marie this happy, and happy she certainly was. She even
smelled happy and - while it wasn't a scent he was overly
familiar with....or at all, for that matter - it was also one that he
had no doubt he'd be getting
better acquainted with. Logan realized he was looking forward to
it.
"Nope....I ate it." He looked chagrined, but his eyes were still
twinkling. "You were, uh, on the phone and, er - I was supposed
ta eat it....wasn't I?"
"Absolutely." Marie was attempting to work the pieces of her
cookie out of the cellophane without scattering crumbs all over the
bed. "These are Chinese fortune cookies.....you knew that,
right?" At his nod, she gave up and tapped the bag, sending the
rest of the cookie pieces into her mouth, an almost childish delight
etched on her face as the almond flavor swept over her tongue.
"My mama always got these for us on
New Year's Eve. We didn't bother with resolutions, since most
people
don't stick to them anyway, so we always read our fortunes out loud
instead. I've never had one come true, but who knows....there's
always a first time for everything!" She snagged the tiny slip of
paper from the torn
wrapper, unfolding and reading it to herself before saying it aloud for
his benefit. "Be Careful! Bees with honey in their
mouths
have stings in their tails."
"Hmm....well, that's certainly, um, different." Marie's brows
knit together in a momentary frown. She shrugged. "Usually I get
ones that say things like 'Those who inquire, gain knowledge' or 'Good
luck will be yours'."
"Maybe the fortune-tellin' business finally decided ta tell it the way
it really is." That comment earned him a cuff to the shoulder and
a snort from Marie. She held her fortune up between them,
wiggling her eyebrows at him.
"So....what's the future got in store for you, Logan?"
"Uhh...." He didn't remember seeing any paper in the cookie he'd
eaten. Oh, shit... At the anxious look on his face, Marie
started giggling again.
"Oh my God, Logan....did you eat it?"
They both began searching for the erstwhile fortune, ruffling through
the covers and scanning the floor. Finally, Logan emerged
victorious at the end of the bed, a small strip of paper dangling from
his fingers. Marie gave him a 'thumbs-up' and prompted him to
read it, which he did. "Keep on charging the enemy, so long as
there is life."
The words lingered heavily in the air as Logan continued to stare at
the fortune in his hand and Marie stared at him. Then, quietly,
she moved to stand at his side, fitting herself into the crook of his
arm, her head just level with his shoulder. "We can 'charge the
enemy' together, Logan...." She gave him a meaningful look.
"...If you'll have me?" He hugged her fiercely to him, clearing
his throat in a feeble attempt to dislodge the lump forming there.
"Marie? Uh, I know what you've told me, but baby...I ain't ever
gonna be good enough ta deserve ya. I don't have the right ta ask ya
for anythin', and I swear I'll never figure out why you'd wanna settle
for me when you could have anybody ya wanted, but --" He took a deep
breath, his arm tightening around her as she leaned into him. "--
the truth is....I ain't really got a life if you're not a part of
it.
So - if you're sure it's me that ya want by your side,
then...well...I'm
real honored ta be the one you're choosin'."
Turning and standing on her tiptoes, Marie placed a kiss on one
whiskered cheek, nuzzling his jawline with her nose. "..You'll
be staying, then?"
He smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. "Why do I get the
feelin' you always knew you were gonna get your way?"
There was no mistaking the saucy glint in her eye as her hands traveled
southward, down over his bare body. "Let's just say I can be
pretty damned persuasive when the objective is worthwhile and I'm
passionate
about the cause...."
"Passion, huh...? He quirked an eyebrow, pressing his hip
against her. "...Wanna sign me up?"
"Hmm. Recruiting's a thankless job..." She grinned and teased his
earlobe with her tongue, well aware that his throbbing flesh needed no
further persuasion. "...but I guess someone's gotta do
it."
-----------------------------------------
Posted September 2002
