Indomitable Will, Tender Heart

Indomitable Will, Tender Heart - 20

Author: Taryn
Email: Write Me!
Rating: Strong R (language - this chapter)
Disclaimer: Don't own them, yadda yadda. See Chapter 1...
Author's Notes: The song verse used below is from "Unbroken" by Tim McGraw. Many thanks to CJ for bringing it to my attention. She said it sounded very "Logan-ish" and I couldn't agree more. :-) Oh, and the picture of Logan running with the wolves is from Issue Five of the "Wolverine: Origin" comic series. The storyline, in my humble opinion, has its flaws but the artwork is simply incredible!
----------------------------------------

He was running, almost on all fours, his body hurtling through a twilight realm. The haunting calls of the pack made his throat convulse in an aching attempt to echo them. A symphony of sounds and smells surrounded him, flora and fauna both competing for his attention. A rainstorm was coming, perhaps by tomorrow night. He could taste the air's heavy sweetness on the back of his tongue.

Continuing to run for the sheer joy of it, darting amidst the trees with the pack all around him, they came upon a pond. The steamy fragrance of the water was enticing on such a hot night. Leaping in with the others, he came up again rapidly in a spray of droplets. Arching his body, he dove into the depths, stroking along the rocky bottom. Doubling back, he shot up to the surface, shaking the water from his hair and rolling in the soft grass to dry himself off. The faint breeze ghosted over his pale flesh and ruffled the dark fur of his companions.

Objects that were familiar, even ordinary to human vision were a revelation to his heightened animal senses: the stars in the sky were a scattering of shimmering, irridescent colors, the tracks of small animals in the high grass were edged with the faint glow of body heat, and even the wind itself seemed to be a complex, living thing that brought news of the living - and the dead - from across the forest.

But the moon. Oh, the moon!

The animal's eye saw it differently; an endlessly fascinating beacon in the night, the silver moonlight falling upon the forest and illuminating it like a cathedral. It was the most wonderous thing he'd ever seen, and to that awesome beauty the wolves gathered on the high rocks to sing their praises....

*/FLASH/*

Logan's eyes snapped open with a start, and he slowly exhaled the breath he'd only barely prevented from releasing as a howl. A glance at the bedside clock indicated it was 3:07AM. What the hell--?

His heart was pounding, but he wasn't bathed in sweat. More importantly, his claws were still sheathed, and the vaguely remembered dream - while undeniably strange - hadn't been a nightmare. Come to think of it, sleeping next to Marie had seemingly banished his bad dreams for now.....maybe even for good. He couldn't begin to fathom the ramifications of that.   So then - what...?

Laying perfectly still, he reached out with his senses but didn't detect any danger. Then he turned his head on the pillow, looking over at Marie's side of the bed.....

It was both empty and cool. He couldn't detect a trace of warmth, so she'd been gone for several minutes at least and probably even longer than that.

He'd thrown the covers back and was standing next to the bed without registering that he'd done so, sniffing the air and looking around for Marie. Although the darkness was nearly tangible, he could easily determine that she wasn't in the room. Maybe she'd just had to use the toilet? Shoving his legs into his jeans, he headed down the hallway to check but the bathroom was empty, just as he'd somehow known it would be.

Marie wasn't even in the cottage.

In the blink of an eye, he found himself standing at the front door - boots on his feet and jacket tugged on over his bare chest - the Wolverine's tracking instincts having kicked in without his even being aware of it. Taking a deep breath, Logan forced himself to calm down and think. Where would she go in the middle of the night? He didn't want to admit to himself that even more disturbing was the idea that she'd left without saying anything to him. Unless, of course, her leaving hadn't been voluntary...? His gut was telling him that wasn't the case, as he couldn't detect anyone else's scent within or around the cottage and nothing appeared to be out of place. But the immense feeling of relief was tinged with trepidation. The cold, hard fact of the matter was: Marie was gone, in the dead of night, with no plausible explanation.

An icy finger of dread was slowly creeping up his spine and he scowled, shaking it off and squaring his shoulders, forcing himself to concentrate. This ain't no time to let your imagination run wild, bub... At the same moment, his sensitive nose picked up a trace of her scent. Now in full stealth-mode, the Beast and the Man working in tandem, he moved through the living room, coming to a stop in front of the large bookcase. It had been pulled away from the double doors just enough for someone Marie's size to get through. His Animal instincts prickled, sensing that Marie was nearby, and Logan moved the bookcase out enough to allow his larger frame access. The door was ajar, confirming he was on the right track, so he wrapped his fingers around its edge - grateful for the opportunity to forego the squeaky handle - and silently ventured out into the night. Inhaling deeply, he let the frigid air roll over his tongue, detecting Marie's scent almost immediately, and his heart was glad for a reason to stop hammering in his chest and return to a somewhat normal rhythm. She was definitely out here and, thank the gods, she wasn't in any danger or distress. However, the Wolverine had been nearly frantic at the perceived loss of its mate and, for once, Logan was completely sympathetic: part of him felt like kicking her butt for making him worry like this.

His eyes narrowed, doing a quick but thorough scan of the snow-covered backyard. Soundlessly, he paused at the edge of the patio, head cocked, all of his senses perfectly synchronized in an attempt to see what she was doing out here in the middle of the night. When he finally located her, what he saw made his breath hitch in his chest.

Marie was sitting on a large rock at the far-end of the property, wearing just her bathrobe, her feet tucked up under her. Although the temperature was hovering in the thirties, she didn't appear to be aware of - or even affected by - the cold. The glow from the nearly full moon above them made her look ethereal, almost angelic. Her long hair, hanging loose around her shoulders, was nearly as dark as the night itself. Logan shifted slightly, trying to figure out what was going on without alerting her to his presence. His sensitive ears suddenly picked up the sound of her voice, but who in the hell was she talking to?

And then, with a jolt, he realized that they weren't alone.

The winged inhabitants of the forest had gathered around Marie. A screech owl was perched on top of a birdfeeder just a few feet away from her, and he noticed a smaller barn owl had alighted on a branch immediately to her left. Lifting his gaze up to the mighty oaks and maples that bordered the yard, he was startled by the realization that their naked limbs were scattered with several more owls, a couple of hawks and even an enormous falcon, all of them backlit by the moon-glow. He was even afforded the briefest glimpse of a small fox before it disappeared again, retreating to its hiding place beneath a snow-capped bush. There was no denying it: the animals had come here for Marie, as if to....watch over her? But wait - that was crazy!

Hardly daring to breathe, Logan could only stare, wide-eyed, at the incredible scene unfolding in front of him. He scrubbed his eyes with his fists, blinking several times as if to convince himself that he wasn't hallucinating. If he didn't know better, he would've sworn Marie was 'communing' with the birds and it wasn't in any language he'd ever heard before. At first, they appeared to be randomly milling around, the way animals do, and yet.....the longer he watched them, the more it seemed as though they were moving in an almost orderly fashion, as if stoically waiting their turn for her attentions. Even the eerie hooting of the owls seemed to have a pattern - a rhythm - to it.

Was he, by chance, still in bed and dreaming? Or more likely, he thought with a wry quirk of his mouth, the grip on his sanity (tenuous, even at the best of times) had finally been stretched to its limits and he'd finally - irrevocably - snapped.

Logan continued to watch, awestruck, as one by one the wild creatures responded to Marie. She was murmuring to them in a low voice, and the look on her face was both radiant and serene. Then, a raucous cry split the night, shattering the cold air like shards of glass as a Bald Eagle suddenly appeared above the tree line. Sihouetted by the moonlight, its wingspan was wide and impressive as it swooped down and landed gracefully on a snow covered rock adjacent to hers. Marie leaned toward it, tilting her chin down as she spoke to the creature, looking for all the world as though they were sharing a secret.

Without knowing how he knew, Logan realized the eagle was the same one they'd seen down by the river, and he felt his knees go weak. He'd seen an awful lot of strange things in his life but this had to be the craziest sight he'd ever laid eyes on, bar none. Normally, his own take on the magic-and-fairytales business was that it was a whole lot of bunk. Now, however - after witnessing the amazing scene in front of him - he had no choice but to concede that maybe....just maybe....that Hans Christian Andersen guy had really been onto something after all?

Shit. Ain't no doubt about it....I've fuckin' lost it this time for sure.

Marie wasn't dressed for the weather - not by a long shot - and Logan was more than a little worried about the very real danger of hypothermia, to say nothing of frostbite. Guilt, however, was competing with his concern. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd intruded on what was, essentially, a private moment. Hell, if she'd wanted him to share it, wouldn't she have awakened him and asked him to join her? At the very least, he'd found Marie and knew that she wasn't in any danger but he couldn't, in good conscience, just leave her out here to freeze. Clenching his fists, Logan tamped down the feral urges threatening to erupt inside him. The Wolverine wanted nothing more than to grab its mate and carry her inside, proving to her that he was the only wild creature deserving of her attention. With a shake of his head and a heavy heart - I hope she can forgive me for spyin' on her.. - he made his decision and began moving silently toward her.

A barely audible sound grabbed his attention. Snapping his head around, he saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring at him from the midst of a cluster of bushes, directly to his right. Halting where he stood, the Wolverine's hackles rose in response as Logan sniffed the air, smelling fear and something else -- a scent that seemed hauntingly familiar.....

Unsure of what to do -- he knew, probably better than anyone, that a frightened animal was a volatile animal - And ya don't exactly have Marie's way with the flora and fauna, either, bub...- Logan brought his fists up, preparing for the inevitable showdown. While he truly didn't want to hurt the creature, he had no illusions that its intentions were as noble, and both he and the Wolverine would fight to the death, if need be....defending their mate at any cost.

So intense was his concentration that he nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Marie's voice.   Sparing her a quick glance, he saw that she was slowly walking toward him. Her eyes appeared to be slightly unfocused, and he noticed that she was only wearing her bedroom slippers -- they were now thoroughly soaked by the wet snow. The Wolverine growled a warning and Logan shifted his position, placing himself between Marie and whatever was concealed in the bushes.

"Marie....stop!" The words came out in a low hiss. "Don't come any closer!"

She halted, but there was no fear in her voice when she spoke. "It's okay, Logan. The Lucaan senses a kindred spirit."

He blinked at her, thoroughly confused. "The...what?"

Marie moved toward him, and then past him, even as he raised his arms to hold her back. She knelt down, facing the bushes, and extended her hand. "He won't hurt us. He's...a friend."

Logan didn't know if she was trying to convince the animal or himself, but he slowly lowered his fists and exhaled the breath he'd been unconsciously holding. He wasn't willing to relax his fighting stance, however. His body remained poised for battle, every muscle coiled like a spring. Staring, his eyes widened as the creature came hesitantly forward at Marie's invitation, stopping to sit at her feet.

It was an enormous charcoal-gray wolf.

After scratching its neck and murmuring to it in a soothing way, Marie stood up, the wolf seeming to press itself against her legs, regarding Logan with intelligent, golden eyes.

"Lucaan means 'wolf' in his language," she explained. "He recognizes one of his own."

She's referrin' to herself....ain't she? She can't be talkin' about me --? Dumbfounded, Logan blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Y-you can talk to them. Understand them...?"

Marie lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. "It's really not that difficult." She leaned down, patting the wolf's shaggy head, the canine's steady amber gaze never leaving Logan's unwavering hazel one. Straightening back up, she added, "The problem is, people always use their own language, when they even bother to try at all. The key to communicating with animals is to speak to them in their language." She smiled again. "I don't know why that never occurred to me before. It really makes perfect sense, if you think about it...."

Suddenly feeling weary, Logan closed his eyes, as if trying to convince himself that everything he'd seen tonight had been a hallucination. Being with Marie may have halted his nightmares, but the nocturnal visions that had apparently replaced them were no less surreal. On a gut level, however, he knew there was no way in hell he was dreaming, but that didn't mean there was a simple - or logical - explanation for what he'd witnessed. Hell, was still witnessing. Yeah, well....since when has logic ever figured inta any equation you were a part of?

When he opened his eyes again, Marie was holding out her hand to him. With no hesitation whatsoever, Logan extended his own hand and clasped hers. He had no fucking clue what was going on but he knew that he trusted her implicitly - and that, in and of itself, was a bit of a shock - so he waited, without questioning, his heart beating just a little faster with the anticipation.

"Try to relax, Logan. See with your heart....not with your eyes."

Still holding his hand in hers, Marie reached down and placed it, palm down, on the wolf's large head. For a moment, the Man and the Animal simply gazed at each other and the silence was almost tangible...but then, Logan stiffened. Feelings, mostly, and vivid images - they were entering his mind, one right after the other. He couldn't make any sense of them at first, but then, slowly....comprehension dawned.

He was sharing - recalling? - the wolf's feelings and experiences, almost as if they were - or had once been - as one. What the--?

The sensations were intense and untamed....astonishingly vivid. He knew of the wolf's place in his pack and the location of their secluded den. He was aware of his mate, hidden but close by, watching protectively. He was reacquainted with the joys of running through the forest, the wind in his hair, his entire body twitching and eager as the scent of rabbits and foxes {prey} filled his nose. He knew caring - a warm tongue licking him clean - and contentment as he curled up to sleep with a full belly. He also knew the horrible sense of loss {sorrow} after stumbling upon the gored body of a packmate, and the gnawing feeling in the pit of his belly when his world was engulfed in a blanket of whiteness and food {hunger} was scarce. But mostly, he really knew - understood - what it felt like to be truly alive.

And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, the sensations ceased and Logan was alone in his own mind again, thrust abruptly back into the here and now. He was a little lightheaded, but his senses were humming.....seemingly even more - vibrant? - than he'd ever remembered them being....or even thought possible. He could almost taste the new awareness surging through his veins. Christ. I think - were those...memories?   But how--?

Realizing he was still grasping her hand, he slowly raised his eyes to look at Marie in wonder. There was a hint of a smile on her lips as she leaned down and said something more to the wolf. The word still sounded foreign to his ears, but this time Logan recognized it. Thank You. The animal nuzzled her palm briefly and then moved to join his mate, barely visible at the perimeter of the property where the backyard segued into forest. Just before disappearing amidst the trees, they turned and glanced back at the two-legged creatures watching them; a silent farewell. As if responding to a cue only they could hear, the rest of the wildlife that had quietly surrounded them took their leave, one by one, and the Man and the Woman found themselves alone again. A new snow had begun to fall, their pre-dawn world rapidly cloaking itself in white. The fresh tracks of the wolf -- the only 'proof' that something magical had indeed happened here -- were slowly being obliterated, but Logan smiled tightly. He was suddenly, inexplicably, possessed with a sense of confidence that this memory, to say nothing of the earlier ones triggered by it, wouldn't be as easily taken from him. If the bastards that had fucked with his mind ever caught him again, they could try - Oh, yeah....let 'em fuckin' try... - but they wouldn't succeed. Not ever again.

He was thrust back into the present when a sound - a gasp and a sigh intermingled - emanated from Marie, and she seemed to crumple in front of his eyes. Instinctively he lunged toward her, gathering her into the safety of his arms before she hit the ground. Shit. Shit! Her breathing was steady but shallow, and she appeared to be unconscious, her lips a ghostly shade of blue. Logan had no idea why she'd suddenly collapsed, but there was no question whatsoever that he needed to get her inside and warmed up. Now.

Holding her tightly against him, he turned and strode toward the french doors, shouldering one of them open and easing himself and Marie inside. Kicking it shut with his heel, he placed Marie's limp form on the couch and headed over to the switch on the wall, thumbing it on. As the flames began licking greedily at the logs in the fireplace, Logan stripped off his jacket and boots, dropping them in the middle of the floor, his movements swift and deliberate. The panic he'd battled earlier was miniscule in comparison to what he was feeling now, and neither he nor the Wolverine gave a damn about anything except making sure that their mate was going to be okay.

Quickly divesting Marie of her wet slippers and damp bathrobe, Logan sat down on the couch and lifted her into his lap. Finally, he tugged the throw from the back of the couch, cocooning her naked body in it snugly - taking great care to cover her feet - before wrapping his arms around her and cradling her against him. Utilizing both his own warmth and the heat from the fire, he calculated that her body temperature should be back to normal within a matter of minutes. Shards of fear were like an icepick - persistent - stabbing at his heart. God help him....what if there was something else wrong with Marie? Hypothermia and frostbite he could handle, but he had no idea about the best course of action to take if she'd had a seizure or --

Marie moaned softly, shifting within his embrace, and a wracking cough shook her body. To Logan's ears, it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. Holding her tighter, he murmured in a steady voice, "Shhh....it's okay. You're gonna be okay, Marie. Stay with me, baby...", over and over like a mantra, while he waited out the shudders - like little aftershocks - that accompanied the coughing spell.

For Marie, the journey back to consciousness was like trying to move through a dense fog....everything seemed to be in slow-motion. Her brain felt as though it was stuffed with cotton and her limbs were heavy - so very heavy. It frightened her that she couldn't recall what had happened, and trying to remember only made the dull throbbing in her head more acute. Perhaps it was best to concentrate on questions she could answer, such as; where in the hell was she and what was that...sound?

Slowly, she became aware of several things at once: that she was surrounded by heat - a delicious warmth that was all around her and a more concentrated, intense warmth that snapped and popped from a short distance away. Her nose was providing her with clues as well, and Marie inhaled deeply, breathing in a familiar and oh-so-wonderful scent. Mmmm..... Okay, so she was in the living room, on the couch, and the fireplace was lit. Logan was holding her - sort of rocking her, actually - and he was humming. For the moment, she didn't care about figuring out the events that had led up to them being here like this....she was simply content to snuggle closer to Logan and --

Whoa. Wait a minute. Logan....humming...?

She was almost convinced she'd imagined it -...Did I fall and hit my head? That's gotta be it. I'm hallucinating. There's no way Logan could be... - until she heard it again. It was so low, she could barely make it out over the crackling of the fire, but yet, there it was....unmistakeable. After a moment, she thought she even recognized it: a song by a country singer - Tim McGraw? - that she'd heard recently on the car radio. The sound was more of a low croon than actual humming, but Logan's rich baritone was melodic and soothing. Marie could feel as well as hear the dulcet tones, vibrating deep within his chest,
and the words from the chorus drifted, unbidden, into her consciousness....

No one ever left me out in the rain;
Cold words still remain unspoken.
And I never got lost, spent years in the dark...
You're here, now my heart's unbroken.
When I see your smile fill my soul again -
I'm unbroken."

She marveled at the parallels between the song's lyrics and Logan's own feelings of loneliness and self-imposed isolation, realization dawning with a jolt: She was the sole reason he no longer felt that way....the reason he was now finally - however tentatively - able to view himself as 'unbroken'. Dear God....can I really be all that to him? I can't possibly.... But, even as she questioned it, she knew it was true. Her InnerLogan's conviction was unwavering. Hot tears scalded her eyes and her sharp intake of breath plunged her into yet another coughing spell. The humming came to an abrupt halt and Marie felt Logan's strong hands rubbing and patting her back, his caring and strength serving as an anchor as she rode out the shudders that wracked her small frame.

She had no sooner recovered from the coughing when the shivering overtook her. Her teeth chattered, despite her best efforts to keep them tightly clenched, and her body shook. Logan's voice was a gruff murmur - "Hang on, baby....it's gonna be okay. That's my girl..." After a particularly violent shudder rocked her to the core, Marie groaned and burrowed her head deeper into the space between his neck and shoulder, desperately trying to coax her wayward movements back under control. Warmth was now beginning to penetrate and spread throughout her body, and she tried but failed to stifle a gasp at the trail of pins and needles - like liquid fire - it was leaving in its wake.

Logan felt her tremble against his neck, her sharp intake of breath like a knife plunging into his heart. "Right here, Marie. I gotcha, baby. You're okay. Shhh....it's gonna be okay."

A final spasm went through her, causing her to inadvertently bite the inside of her cheek. Wincing in pain, she wrinkled her nose at the taste of blood on her tongue. Logan continued to rub her back with one hand while applying firm pressure in a brisk, circular motion to her arms and legs as well.   She snuggled in with a sigh, breathing in his scent and basking in the heat from his body and the fire as he continued to rock her with an almost imperceptible motion. After several long moments she swallowed hard, clenching her jaw to make sure her teeth were done chattering before she attempted to speak.

"L-Logan...?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anythin', baby."

"That song you were...humming. Where did you hear it?"

"What?" He blinked in surprise and looked away, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh...." Risking a quick glance at her, a sheepish expression crept across his face. " 'Dunno for sure. On the jukebox in some bar, I think. It sounded nice, so I guess I musta remembered it." Marie found his embarrassment endearing, but she knew it would only compound his discomfort if she told him how completely adorable he looked right then. Later, maybe....when we're both in bed and he's doing wonderfully delicious things to me....

"It is a nice song." She smiled gently. "Why didn't you tell me you could carry a tune?"

"Hmph...'Didn't know I could."   Never had a reason ta wanna try before, either... He shrugged, nonplussed, but she could feel the residual tension beneath his skin. She was clearly out of danger now, but it was obvious that something was still bothering him. A moment later, she found out what it was.

"Marie? Darlin' - I'm real sorry I, uh...intruded. Ya know....out there." He was mumbling and with her head lowered, her cheek resting comfortably on his chest, she had to strain to hear him. "I had no right ta do that." He glanced down, his arms unconsciously tightening his hold around her. The feelings of panic and utter despair that he'd experienced - only an hour before - when the very real possibility of her leaving him presented itself had yet to subside completely....in fact, were still very much with him. Drawing a shaky breath, the rest of the words came out in a rush. "It's just that I.....well...somethin' woke me up and then ya weren't there, and....shit. That got me worried, so I went lookin' for ya, and -- "

"That's okay, Logan. I- I'm glad you did." Her fingertips, still tingly from her time spent in the cold, were running idly through the crisp hairs on his chest, and he felt her nod against his throat. "Somehow, you always know exactly what I need..." Raising her head, she looked at him with shining eyes. "Thank you." Pressing a kiss to the bare skin framed within the chain of his dogtag, Marie felt his breath hitch in his chest, but he didn't reply -- only hugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her a little tighter. Finally, he drew in a lungful of air, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say.

"So....why didn'tcha tell me about that whole Doctor Doolittle thing you've got goin' on? Ya never mentioned it, even after I warned ya about the wolf the other day..." His attempt to change the subject was obvious. More subtle, though still undeniable, was the underlying 'wounded' tone to his voice. Marie realized with a start that he was hurt, thinking that she'd kept something important from him.....that perhaps she actually didn't trust him as much as he'd thought -- hoped -- she did.

"Oh, no! It's -- oh, gosh, it's not like that at all...." Marie twisted in his lap to better see his face. "That wasn't me. I wish that was the case, but -- well, I just can't do those things."

He was scowling at her now, his expression clearing indicating that he thought the cold might have addled her brain. "Baby, aren't ya forgettin' somethin'? I was there. I saw the whole damned thing - the birds, the wolf..." He sighed in exasperation, running a hand through his hair. "I still ain't sure what I saw, exactly, but there ain't no denyin' that somethin' was goin' on between you and those wild animals..." It wasn't lost on him that all of the creatures he'd seen had one very significant thing in common with each other: they were carnivores. Hunters of prey, highly efficient and lethal, the very best at what they did.

"Logan --"   How to tell him? Marie took a deep breath, her voice barely above a whisper. "It was all you, sugar. I, um....I sort of 'borrowed' the ability from you."

He snorted. "What the hell are you talkin' about, Marie? Borrowed...?"

"Yeah. Um...after we had dinner, and I was doing the dishes...? I sliced my thumb open with that steak knife and it wouldn't quit bleeding. Remember?" He nodded. "I didn't want you to heal me, because it really wasn't that bad, but you said the blood was making you crazy and you insisted...." Lowering her gaze, she looked contrite - like she'd done something wrong - and Logan frowned in confusion, trying to understand.

"Okaaay....I get that you absorbed some of me when I healed ya cuz, well, yeah....it made me a little dizzy - but that still don't explain what I saw ya doin' out there. You couldn'ta gotten that 'talk to the animals' shit from me, cuz I've never done anythin' like that before --"

"Yes you have....and you probably still can. I think, maybe, you've just....forgotten how."

"Th-that's crazy, Marie." He just gaped at her, dumbfounded. "Ya musta been dreamin'...."

She shook her head. "It wasn't a dream, Logan. It was....a memory. And I saw it - through your eyes. I mean....it's like I was you, but I was also...watching you." Working a hand free from under the throw, she clasped one of his, caressing his knuckles with her thumb. "I can't be completely sure but, um, I think it was....before --" She trailed off and he swallowed hard, not wanting to ask but needing to know.

"Before...?"

Her voice was small, but unwavering. "..Before they gave you the Adamantium."

Logan stared into her large brown eyes, somber with their conviction, and somehow he knew, deep down, that she was right. Even as his head was denying it, his heart recognized the truth. Jesus... As if the constant struggle to control his bestial side wasn't bad enough, now he had to contend with the revelation that he'd once lived like an animal -- moving openly among them and even speaking their language as well?

Revulsion and disgust welled up within - thick and bitter - threatening to choke him. He'd always assumed that the Wolverine had manifested as a direct result of the inhuman things that had been done to him. That the Animal had taken over - only temporarily - to ensure their survival when the Man had finally reached his limit. But now --

"So he was right, then..." He practically spat the words. "That little Andersen-quotin' prick was right. I really am a fuckin' animal. Always have been. Christ..." Logan shifted his position, leaning back and away from Marie, shaking his head frantically. "God - I'm sorry, baby. So sorry. Fuck..."

Continuing to curse under his breath, he pulled his hand away, manuevering her off his lap and onto the cushion next to him, and Marie knew, then, that he was getting ready to bolt, probably for good. Oh, no...   In desperation, she went with the first thing her instincts prompted her to do: cupping his face between both of her hands, she proceeded to kiss him for all she was worth.

It caught him off-guard and he tried to resist, but his desire - his love - for her rapidly won out. Returning the kiss, he found himself devouring her mouth....drinking in her sweetness, as if his very life depended on it. Hell, at this point it probably did.
He had no life if she wasn't a part of it. Marie wasted no time taking full advantage of his acquiescence, threading her fingers through his hair and nibbling on his lower lip with her teeth. Her upper body was completely bare, the throw now pooled around her waist, and she teased his hard chest with her erect nipples, smiling when he groaned at the sensation. But it was what she did next that nearly caused his undoing. Tilting her head, her long hair fell away as she exposed the skin of her throat, the passive female offering herself in an age-old gesture of deference -- openly and willingly accepting her mate's dominance over her.

The Wolverine roared within his soul and Logan's mouth latched on to tender skin below her ear before he'd even registered the movement. Lust and shame were at war inside him. He wanted her....needed her....but God, he was so unworthy. Would never be worthy. The discovery that his feral nature wasn't manufactured - that it had, in fact, always been a part of him - made his heart ache with the sheer burden of it. Wrenching his mouth away from her neck, he gulped air, insistent upon making one last gallant effort to extricate himself - to give her the out he knew she deserved......even if she didn't see it that way.

"Marie --" It was more a gasp than a word. She placed two fingers against his lips, effectively silencing him with a look in her eyes that brooked no argument. "Logan, no. Listen to me." Her tone was commanding, even fierce, and he complied without further protest. "You are not going to walk out that door feeling worse about yourself than you did when you first got here. No way. Whatever we discover about your past - good or bad - it doesn't matter!   I'm sticking with you. You and me....we're in this together, come hell or high water, and I'll even play dirty if I have to, if that's what it's going to take to make you realize it!"

Logan groaned, dropping his head into his hands. He really didn't want to argue with her, but what Marie was saying couldn't possibly be true. The Man had spent years trying to come to terms with the Beast that resided within....if not fully accepting, at least learning to coexist with it. Yet, after spending less than a week with him and witnessing his animal side first-hand, here she was.....offering both the Man and the Beast her unconditional loyalty and love. There was just no way in hell that degree of caring could be for real...

...Could it?

She could feel the torment and loathing emanating from him and it nearly broke Marie's heart. My God...I had no idea he hated himself this much!   Tugging the throw back up over her shoulders again, she settled in beside him, ducking her head slightly to better see his face. When he didn't raise his head, she cupped his cheek with her hand, shivering slightly at the feel of his whiskers against her palm.

"Logan....look at me. Please?"

Reluctantly, he did as she requested, momentarily stunned by the love and compassion reflected back at him. The glow of the firelight on her face made it seem as though she was lit from within. It almost hurt his eyes to meet her gaze.

"I wish I could show you what I saw. It was absolutely amazing! " Her heart-rate quickened as she immersed herself in the memory. "I watched you clear a wide stream in a single leap. Your movements were deliberate, graceful....just like a cat's. You stalked a doe and her fawn, getting close enough to touch them, and they never even knew you were there!" Marie's shining eyes were wonderous. "Oh, God, Logan," she breathed. "You were magnificent. Wild....untamed. At peace. You knew kinship, and acceptance....and you were truly happy. Free." Swallowing hard, she whispered, "I've never seen
a more beautiful sight in my entire life."

He didn't know what to say, could only stare at her in shock. Tears spilled down her cheeks but Marie didn't seem to notice as she went on. "You've been denying what is so very much a part of you, and that's a battle you don't need to fight. You should embrace your animal side....not be ashamed of it. Accepting the Wolverine doesn't make you less of a Man. The truth is....he completes you."

His hands were tightly fisted on his knees, the knuckles itching fiercely, but Logan remained silent, absorbing her words and the meaning behind them. "And there's something else you should know..." Marie lifted his hands with her own, unclenching them and placing a kiss in the center of each palm. "I love you - all of you - because you're connected to your Animal side....not in spite of it."

There was so much Logan wanted to say to her, but he had no words to say it with. How do ya thank someone for saving your soul? He'd never been a man of eloquence, and he figured he wasn't about to become one now, so he simply did what he knew best; allowed his body to speak for him. Drying her tears, he pulled Marie into his arms, clinging to her in silence, tracing small circles on the warm skin of her back. Time had no meaning, and how long they remained like that - each lost in their own thoughts, yet still very much connected - he didn't know....or care.

A short while later they were stretched out on the couch, dozing lightly, the throw spread over them both. Logan quietly cleared his throat. He was reluctant to say or do anything to shatter the newly-formed bond - fragile yet, but gaining strength - that their middle-of-the-night sojourn seemed to have woven around them. Still, the sun would be coming up in a few more hours, and he could tell by her scent that there was more to this situation than she'd wanted to admit. If they were going to get anymore sleep this night, he figured it was time to get to the bottom of things.

"Uh...Marie? There's somethin' I just gotta ask, and I hope ya know you can be honest with me about it." Her slight nod was all the encouragement he needed. "Frostbite's a bitch, and - trust me on this - there's a few body parts that ya definitely don't wanna have fallin' off....especially since yours don't grow back." He gave her a gentle squeeze, but his tone was serious. "..So would ya mind tellin' me just what on earth possessed ya to get up and go outside at two in the mornin', wearin' nothin' but a robe?"

"I had a strange dream, which kinda turned out to not be a dream." She yawned and smiled up at him in an attempt at reassurance, but her face was pinched and he was suddenly, acutely, aware of the faint purple shadows beneath her eyes. "...And, then, there was the requisite headache."

"Huh?" Logan frowned, not sure he'd heard her correctly. It dawned on him then - with all the subtlety of a freight-train - just how utterly worn-out she must be. ~ Shit...~ She'd been taking care of him as well as herself, and she didn't possess a healing factor of her own. His concern was now bolstered by a healthy dose of guilt. Dumbass....ya know, for a guy who's so hyper-aware of every sight, smell and sound within a fifty-mile radius, you can really be pretty fuckin' ignorant about what's goin' on right under your nose.

"With you, it's nightmares. In my case, it's headaches. We're quite the pair, huh?" Marie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Professor Xavier thinks they're directly related to my gift -- you know, the whole 'sucking the life out of people' thing?" She scrunched up her nose in distaste.

He was kicking himself for not being aware that she'd been suffering. Worse yet, it was obviously her absorption of him - twice, in as many days - that had triggered it. Why hadn't he picked up on this before now?   Cuz I was too caught up in her doin' for me ta even notice what it was takin' outta her. Feeling more than a little responsible for her pain - while unintentional, there was no denying he'd been the cause of it - Logan shifted his position behind her, taking a long moment to digest the information before finally asking in a gruff voice, "Are they real bad?"

Marie shrugged, the throw slipping down and exposing the tops of her breasts. He watched her bare chest rise and fall with each breath, but lust was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment. "I've kinda gotten used to them."

"That's not what I asked ya, baby."

His tone was gentle, but Marie knew he wasn't going to let it go. She bit her lip, trying to decide just how much to say. He'd already been through so much and she didn't want him blaming himself for this, too. "Um....well, yeah - they can get pretty intense. Thankfully, they don't happen often, or even last very long. It's just that....well, sometimes I just can't get rid of one no matter what I do. When that happens, I can't sleep either....so then I get cranky and --" She let out another breath and snuggled into his side, making a concerted effort to change the subject. "Really, it's no big deal. You know, I think I might be able to sleep now. Can we just go back to bed?"

"So....do ya still got the headache?"

"I --" Sighing heavily, she conceded defeat. "Okay... yes. I do. But honestly, Logan, it's not as bad as it was earlier...."

He nodded in understanding, not exactly a stranger to feelings akin to having splinters of broken glass or even a dull knife blade stabbing around inside his brain. The difference was that his involved a real knife. Grimacing at the memory - his blood running both hot and cold at the very thought of Marie ever having to experience something like that - he made a split-second decision. Shifting his weight, he moved out from under her to sit upright against the far-end of the couch, finally indicating the space directly in front of and between his stretched-out legs.

"C'mere."

"What?" Marie frowned at him in confusion. "Why?"

"I wanna help ya."

She held up her hand. "Oh, no Logan....you are not healing me again! Look, I took some aspirin earlier, although it probably wouldn't hurt if I gulped a few more before we turn in, but - honestly - there's nothing else you can do..."

"Sure there is." He held up his hands. "I got magic in my fingers."

Marie giggled then. "I thought it was called Adamantium...?"

"Heh....Cute."

Grinning up at him, she studied his face. Hmm, whatever he has in mind, it's pretty important to him. I think he feels really responsible for my being out there... "Logan, it's okay. You don't need --"

"Just let me do this for ya, Marie." He leaned in toward her, his breath on her neck. "Besides...ya just might like it."

She shivered, suddenly remembering her similar words to him, just before she'd given him the second massage. It seemed like a lifetime ago.   Like it? Sugar....if it involves you touching me, the question of my liking it is so not an issue! Licking her lips in anticipation, she did as he requested and scooted back to sit on the edge of the cushion between his legs, her hips embraced by his knees and her head level with his chest. Loosely holding the throw together in front of her chest, she glanced over her shoulder at him. "Um....so what do you need me to do?"

"Nothin'..." He splayed his fingers. "But it'll help if ya just try to relax."

Echoes of her own words again. She had no idea what to expect, but she made a noble effort to slump her shoulders and let out the breath she'd been holding. Lightly at first, and then with increasing pressure, Logan's hands began to work their magic. He started at her temples, using a circular motion, firm yet gentle, and then slowly made his way around to the base of her skull, pressing and kneading, applying both pressure and counter-pressure.

All doubts about his being able to help her were banished and Marie quickly found herself warming to his ministrations. Tipping her head forward and gently parting her hair, Logan began rubbing his thumbs up and down the nape of her neck. She moaned softly, feeling the muscles unknotting and the endorphins beginning to flow.   Oh My God. Who would've guessed that hands reinforced with the hardest substance on earth could be this sensitive and gentle?

Logan could sense as well as feel Marie's tension draining away and relaxation kicking in. What's that expression? Oh yeah....like putty in my hands.   He knew without asking that her headache was already a thing of the past, but he had one more *ace* up his sleeve and he figured he might as well go for broke.

Tilting her head back up, he slowly ran his fingers through the long length of her hair.   Damn. I've been wantin' to do this since that first time I saw her, in the library... Lightly, lifting just a few strands at a time, he let them ripple through his fingers, then gathered larger sections up in a makeshift ponytail, only to release it and start all over again. Her hair was so soft and silky - he could never get tired of touching it - and he smiled to himself when she shivered, gooseflesh appearing on her arms. 'Workin' like a charm. Guess I must be doin' it okay. Heh.

He didn't stop until he was sure she was almost asleep; the warm but slight weight of her now leaning back against his chest, one small hand resting on his thigh and the other curled in her lap. The throw had long since been relinquished, her naked body exposed to his gaze. He allowed himself a moment to drink her in - her beauty, her purity - before maneuvering himself carefully out from behind her. Gathering the woven fabric around her loosely, he scooped her gently into his arms, breathing a sigh of contentment as he started down the hallway toward the bedroom, taking care not to jostle her too much. Murmuring something incoherent, Marie shifted in his arms and nuzzled her face in his bare chest. The glow from the nightlight
in the guest room danced across her features as she slumbered against him, and his heart was filled to overflowing with love for her. Like the moon was to the wolf, she was his guiding light in the darkness. His salvation. It wasn't lost on him that only now did he truly know the meaning of the word.

Reaching the bedroom, Logan smiled as he placed Marie on the bed, tossing the throw aside and removing his jeans before sliding in alongside her, gently tucking the blankets around them. Relishing the sound of her deep, even breathing and the soft warmth of her body against his, he realized that Marie had been right; Sometimes the things you had to give another person couldn't be seen or measured.....but that didn't make them any less real - or meaningful.

----------------------------------------------
Posted October 2002