Logan could feel the shockwaves of the explosion filling him,traveling through his body and dragging warmth in its wake, warmth and light,as if his body was now the confines of a universe,a prison for this energy.

He gasped in a breath,as if surfacing from a long,hard swim beneath dark and heavy water,and his eyes shot open as he instantly wondered where he was and what had happened.He had the feeling something had happened,but right now he couldn't remember...

There was a man kneeling beside him,his hands on his temples,and Logan's first impulse was to pop his claws and stab him:he was part of this thing,this thing that happened-

("You remember,Logan,"a voice said in his head,a voice that sounded nothing like his own)

-and he did know then,memories flooding back as if a dam in his mind had burst.

Bob opened his eyes,chatoyant blue in the near dark,and asked,"You okay?"

Logan just blinked up at him for a moment,aware that that question was pretty damn funny.

Had he just died?

Of course,Logan was reasonably sure he had died before;at least for a second or two.But his body always seemed to drag him back,kicking and screaming,from the edge of the abyss.It didn't matter how badly he was hurt,how rattled his brains were inside his skull or how much of his actual physical body was torn away-

(Torn away?Wait a sec-when had he been 'torn away' exactly?)

-it refused to die,refused to just let him go.In a strange way,it was as much a curse as a gift.Healing kind of hurt;the worse the injury,the more painful the healing process.He could actually feel his skin and muscle knit itself back together,organs come back together,feelings so bizarre they could only be described as pain because there was no other word for it.He was used to it by now,of course,but he was always aware of the pain when it happened.

Logan knew it wasn't the same this time.He could remember his lung was not fully knit together or re-inflated when the toxin seemed to arrest the process,and his eye hadn't healed over either;his chest was also still closing from the sword wound.But they were fine now.He was looking out of two perfectly good eyes,he had two functioning lungs,and there was no pain in his chest:there was no pain at all,no negligible ache from bruises,not even a pain in his neck where Krek's claw had punctured his carotid artery.

It was not his body that brought him back from the abyss this time.

His eyes met Bob's,and he wanted to ask him what he did-holy crap,had he brought him back from the dead?He must have; there was simply no other explanation for it.He was dead,but Bob caught him and pulled him back,in the process mending all his wounds,just like he had taken a stroll through Jean's unconscious mind and put her back together. But...couldn't he only work with minds that were functioning on some level?He died;his mind shut down.There was nothing to work with...

"How?"Logan asked.There seemed to be nothing else to say.

"I would destroy anyone else's mind in the process,"he admitted."But not yours."

Was that the truth,or the best excuse he could come up with?Logan couldn't really tell.

But he knew the toxin was gone,the pain was gone,and so was Krek-he could smell death all over him,even though he couldn't say how he had died.Except Bob had willed Krek dead,and then willed Logan back to life:trading one for another.

Bob actually looked tired,lines bunching in the corners of his inhuman eyes,and Logan realized he had expended some of his formidable powers on him;perhaps he had even given him the power to live through this.

Why?Why even bother with him?He felt strangely angry at him,for feeling he was indebted to Bob for this,and for feeling that he would never understand him,not in a million years.Why Bob seemed to be protective of him would always be a mystery-

-except it really wasn't,was it?They were 'outside time',and as Bob himself had said,outsiders were drawn to one another.

Bob was lonely.

He had some expansive brood of a family,never wanted for female companionship,but inevitably outlived everyone he knew; only in Logan did he see the potential of knowing someone he would see again in fifty years,or a hundred.Maybe even a thousand.Bob was a demon,and he was a mutant,but they were both prisoners of time.

It was funny,it was pathetic,and ultimately it was very sad-and yet Logan couldn't hate him for it.Some small part of Logan's mind found a simple comfort in knowing someone who might not be taken from him by death or disease,age or whatever other form time took to steal people away from him.And while he had no clear memories,he knew he understood Bob's quiet loneliness because it very much echoed his own.

They were both sad,pathetic men.They probably deserved each other.

"How are the others?"Logan finally said.

"I don't know,"Bob admitted,getting to his feet."But they'll be fine."

Logan got to his feet too,feeling better than he had before the fight,and knew that was true.Bob would make sure everyone was fine.

Except Krek,of course.But he should have known better than to try and rob Bob of the only other true 'outsider' he had ever known.

***

He hadn't told the others he had died;he also claimed he killed Krek.Bob was going to tell them the truth,but he shook his head and sent a clear signal that he didn't want him to,because to say he had done it would be to eventually admit the rest of it.And after glancing at all the sheared off limbs and the hole in his head where an eye used to be,no one had any trouble believing Logan had indeed killed Krek before he could finish the job he started.

Logan wished that was all that was bothering him,but as usual his troubles had company.

He laid down on his bed and pressed the heels of his palms in his eyes until he could see a growing,shifting pattern of light in the darkness behind his eyelids.Krek was supposed to spare him...why?

Oh,he knew why.He just hated to admit it.Much like him,some problems just wouldn't stay dead.

After a few minutes,there was a light rapping on his door,and he snapped,"Go away."

But he should have known that would not be enough.He heard the door open,and Jean said,"I would if I could,but I think this is important,Logan."

"Are we under attack again?"He didn't bother to move his hands from his eyes:he knew what she looked like,and all enemies had the same sort of general ugliness.

"No.Bob was able to find out something about the League,"she said,stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.
"Apparently they're connected to a man named Rhonik,whom Helga says is the leader of some sort of demon 'mob' that controls the lower East Side.Bob thinks the personal angle of this may be overstated,and this is purely business-Rhonik eliminating what he sees as competition,since he's no fan of mutants."

"It's a hell of a lot more than that,and Bob knows it."He could hear her walking around the room,sense the shift in the air when she moved,and knew from the smell of fabric softener she had changed her clothes since they got back.She probably hated being covered by plaster dust.She stopped on the left side of the room,close to the wardrobe.

"Why would he lie?"There was a tone in her voice that suggested she always knew it,but wasn't going to say it.

"I don't know,"he said,and wondered if he was lying.He had asked Bob not to mention what really happened with Krek-maybe this was just an off shoot of that.

"Then what is he lying about?"She asked curiously.

"There's a government connection.Maybe Arsenal is dead,but somebody still holds a grudge.And they remember me."He lifted his hands and opened his eyes,enjoying the new light show as his eyes focused on the light fixture in the ceiling above him.

She seemed strangely silent for longer than he would have expected,and then finally asked,sounding dead serious,"What do you know that we don't,Logan?"

He sat up on the edge of the bed and gazed at her wearily,hands resting loosely on his thighs.She had changed into a red acrylic sweater dress that came just below her knees,hiding most of what he knew to be a pair of lovely legs,although the dress itself seemed to favor her curves.Although he couldn't remember any of his teachers,he bet none of them ever dressed like that.
"Krek said he was supposed to spare me.From what I gathered,it was a last minute change of plans."

Her hazel eyes were kind but very scrutinizing,and he recalled she had looked strangely doubtful when he made the claims of killing Krek.He was not as facile a liar as Bob it seemed,which was strange since so much of his life was one big fat lie."Spare you?Why?"But she seemed to put it together even as she asked."Wait.You don't think-"

"They want me alive,"he said,finishing the thought.And Krek had almost queered the pitch on that one,hadn't he?

Jean crossed her arms over her chest,looking at the far side or the room without seeing it,lost in thought.He wondered why she put her hair back in that tight ponytail again:she was a beautiful woman,but that style was not flattering to her.Maybe Scott liked it.

When her eyes moved back to his,they seemed haunted with a touch of pity."You think it's the same people,the people who-"

"Turned me into a human sized food processor,yeah,"he supplied,since she obviously didn't know how to say it,or which description to choose.

She frowned at him,perhaps not seeing the humor in mutilation,but hey-if he could make fun of it,why couldn't she join in?

"There may be another reason,"she began,but he shook his head immediately.

"Trust me,there's not.The League are working with some government agency-hell,maybe just a rogue agent-to..."Suddenly,he saw a connection he hadn't seen before."Me and Xavier,"he whispered,stunned that the thought hadn't occurred to him immediately.

"What?Logan,what-"

"They want us both alive."He stared at Jean,aware the shock on her face was probably mimicking his own."Krek,like Legion before him,was supposed to kill Xavier's people,but not Xavier himself.They wanted to remove obstacles until they could get a clear shot at him.And then I came along,and they saw they had a second target."He suddenly felt so energized with equal amounts of revelation and rage he jumped to his feet,fighting the urge to start pacing again."They wanted to experiment on him too,but Magneto robbed them of their chance,and sent them even deeper underground,lower into the covert levels,where the bastard child that emerged from it grew into the outfit that kidnapped me.Shit,Jean,they still want him.And me too."

She considered that carefully,fear and anger starting to show through her studiously neutral expression."But why?"

"They still want to use me as a weapon-they did it before,they're convinced they can do it again.And I'm sure I was a multi-million dollar investment:adamantium isn't cheap.As for Xavier...just imagine if they could control him too,turn him like they turned me.Think of the damage he could do.I get them physically,and he gets them mentally."

Horror bloomed in her eyes as she contemplated the damage an evil telepath as strong as Xavier could do,and she bit her lip anxiously as she tried to examine his theory for loopholes."Why use the League?"She finally asked."Why not come in themselves?They have with you,haven't they?"

He didn't have to think about that for long."Yeah,but darlin' I'm not a telepath:I can't make men turn their weapons on each other,or think I just got the fuck out of there.I can only hurt them very badly,if they aren't wearing those fucking adamantium body armor suits.And even then...well,give me time.It's hard,but not impossible."He hoped he remembered to thank Angel for finding the weak spot in those damn things.

Jean got it then,he could see it in her eyes."And the Professor's telepathy doesn't work on all demons."

"Bingo."

She grabbed his arms with surprising force."Why did Bob lie about this?Logan,I want to trust him,I do,but I can't."

"I don't think Bob has made the connection;I think Bob is still working on the assumption they want Xavier dead,probably out of revenge.Certainly the Professor seems to be favoring that theory."

"He's a demon.He could be working for them."

"If he was,I'd be talking to a ghost from inside some sort of brainwashing contraption right now.Look,I'm not saying I trust him completely in everything,'cause believe me I don't,but I know,beyond a shadow of a doubt,he would never hurt us.If I thought he would,I'd kill him myself."If that was even possible,he thought,but there was no point in adding that.

"Listen to yourself,Logan.Since when do you have that kind of faith in anyone?Don't you think it's odd?"

"Yeah,but.."he sighed,wondering how much he would have to tell her."I've seen him in action:I know how powerful he is.If he wanted to run the whole goddamn world we'd be praying to his altars nightly.But he's not that kind of man,Jean.For some stupid goddamn reason,he likes people;he doesn't want to see them hurt.And I know,for some insane reason,he seems to like me.He knows how much you mean to me and he'd never hurt you."Belatedly,he remembered to add,"All of you."

She looked momentarily startled,her grip on his biceps loosening somewhat,but then she seemed to make the decision to believe he really was speaking of an all encompassing 'you',and not just about her."I want to believe you,Logan.And I know he's powerful;I started to get a headache when I stood too close to him.But there's just something about him that I can't trust-I don't know what.I mean,if he's so powerful,he could hurt us and we'd never remember it."

"True.But he's not that kind of man."

"You can't say that for sure!Just because he hasn't seemingly abused his powers in front of you-"

"Actually,I think he did,"he blurted,before he could stop himself.He then rolled his eyes at himself:he was no good to anyone when he was this emotionally worked up.But damn it,he had the plot now-he knew what those bastards were doing,and now he wanted to meet them half way,and make Magneto look like a fucking interior decorator.

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously,and her grip on his arms tightened again.If he didn't know better,he'd think she was feeling his muscles.Well,it would be a novelty to her;old Cyclops didn't seem to have a whole lot of those."What do you mean?"

"It wasn't in a bad sense.I think.Depends on how you look at it,I suppose-"

"Logan,"she said,in her best stern teacher voice.

He probably would have laughed if this all didn't suck so much."I tell you,you have to promise me you don't tell anyone,not even Scott.Okay?"

"I can't-"

"Promise me,"he insisted.

For a moment her eyes bore into his,curiosity warring with a strange reluctance to keep secrets from her boyfriend (which he knew was hypocritical,because everyone kept secrets:no one was completely one hundred percent open with their lover or their spouse.No relationship would ever survive if that were true:little white lies-and huge fat ones-were the lubricants of  societal functioning in general).He could see the surrender in her slumping shoulders before she admitted,with a sigh of reluctance,"Fine,I promise."She let his arms go,and he was sort of sorry about that;it was fun to think she may have been feeling him up.

He wasn't even sure he could tell her,but the words came out quickly,like he had been dying-no pun intended-to tell someone.Maybe he had."I didn't kill Krek.Bob killed him after he had killed me."

Her gaze was steady,her expression somewhere between neutral normal and completely baffled."You mean before he could kill you?"

"No.Krek killed me.He had a claw with his toxin in it,a poison that was too much for my system to handle,maybe because it was demon,I don't know.But it killed me,Jean.In spite of all the things I can't remember,I can remember dying very clearly, right up until my very last thought.You know how creepy that is?"And what a wasted thought too:nothing profound,nothing noble,simply "It's over," with an equal mixture of fear and relief,like an actor glad to be done with a play after the thousandth performance,but terrified that he wouldn't know what to do with himself now.

Jean continued to stare at him,disbelief warring with fear,and her jaw slackened as she came to the realization,"You're not joking."

"No,I'm not.I'm pretty sure I've technically died before,for at least a second or two,but this was different somehow.I think I'd have stayed dead if Bob hadn't intervened."

Her eyes shone with fear and relief,much like he had felt while it was happening,and she said,"Why didn't you tell us this? What did he do?"

"I don't know know what he did exactly,except it seemed to tire him out for a moment.And why the hell would I tell you guys?It's not like it matters-"

"It does matter,"she insisted.It looked like there were tears welling in her eyes."If something happened to you,Logan..."

"What?"He wondered,curious.He wanted to know what she would say,if she would confess that her whole life with Scott was a lie,and she had to have him now.

Maybe it showed on his face.She seemed to hesitate,reconsider,and then said,with a sly smile,"Scott would have no one to argue with."

Damn.He should have known she would chicken out.He smirked at her,and replied,"I'm sure he'd live."He then turned away towards the door,eager to talk to Bob about this.He thought he had a plan...

She grabbed his arm,and said,"I'd miss you."She gave him a warm,soft smile,a hint of sadness still lingering in her eyes,and he wondered what she'd do if he kissed her right now.He bet she'd like it,which is why he didn't do it.Make her work for it.

He gave her a sly grin."You're the only one here who would.But I appreciate that."

Logan gave her a wink and left his room,headed for Xavier's office,where he assumed the others were waiting.As much as he would love to get Jean to admit how she felt about him,that  could wait until another time.

Right now,he just wanted to kick some ass.

The Professor was not,by nature,an overly expressive man:he could have been honorary upper class British.But he gave Logan an appreciative look that suggested he was not only impressed,but slightly guilty for having missed the connection."So it could be related to what happened to you.I'm sorry I didn't see it."

Logan shrugged,and said with unaccustomed modesty,"It took me a while too."

"We don't know for sure that is what's going on here,"Scott said,playing devil's advocate.But even he didn't sound terribly convinced of it.

Everybody seemed to have taken their usual positions:Scott and Jean were together on the couch,Rogue was sitting in a chair far from the others,the Professor was positioned behind his desk,and Logan was pacing relentlessly by the door,so ready for action he was giving off waves of adrenaline.Helga sat perched on the edge of Xavier's desk-he didn't seem to mind,and she sat on the far corner,so she didn't block his view-and Bob leaned against the wall,closer to Rogue than anyone else. Although it was night,the outside perimeter of the grounds was so well lit it was like a second dawn outside the gauzy white curtains covering the huge bay window:light oozed around the edges,bleeding through like an aura.

"I think we can trust Logan's judgment here,"Bob said."He knows how these people work."

"I bet Rhonik may be in the dark about these guys being government,"Helga interjected,her tail twitching slightly in reflection of her thoughts."Either that,or he left his contractors in the dark.These guys have no love of the government either."

"And there's an angle we can work,"Bob agreed."If Rhonik lied to his contractors about the nature of the business,they won't be happy about it.And unhappy demons-and the humans who run with them-are not the forgiving sort."

"But will that be enough to call off their dogs?"Scott asked.

"I wouldn't count on it.If the League falls apart-which I'm sure it will-they can just go to mercs,or some other group.It would get them off your back for a while,though."

"No way,"Logan insisted angrily,knocking off his pacing for a moment."We get these fuckers now."

Jean grimaced at his use of language,completely ignoring the fact that not only did most teenagers talk worse than that,but Rogue had absorbed Logan twice:she had probably experienced a hell of a lot worse."And how do you propose we do that?"

And Logan told them his plan,which was just as suicidally insane as Bob had expected from him.

Jean's jaw dropped,but everybody was stunned,even the stoic Professor.Well,not Helga-since she had figured Logan had once been an assassin-whether against his will or not-she felt she had his number."You can't be serious,"Jean gasped,speaking for almost all of them.

He gave her a harsh look that hinted at how much anger was behind this.Yes,it seemed suicidal,and it was,but Logan was a gambler who knew you had to take a big risk to get a big pay off,and he felt that ultimately he had an ace in the hole that these guys could not beat.Bob hoped he didn't disappoint."We give them what they want-well,part of it-and we have an edge.They won't expect it."

"Because it's crazy,"Scott pointed out.But he didn't sound judgmental;he was just dispassionately noting the fact.

"And Magneto had the right idea,for once in his life,"Logan continued."You bring things down from the inside easier than you do the outside."

"But what if somethin' bad happens to you?"Rogue asked,genuinely concerned."I mean,after all they've done-"

"I can handle it,"Logan interrupted,cutting her off."I've had worse than they can dish out in a short amount of time.They saw to that."

"Why not just lure them in?"Bob suggested,crossing his arms over his chest.He knew Logan would never go for it-he probably needed to do this for himself,attempt to expunge some of the demons living inside of him-but Bob felt he had to try."I can make them talk."

"I don't want the small potatoes,Bob,"he countered."The guys who simply take orders and don't ask why.I want the inner circle,the people who know too much.I want you to pick their brains until there's nothin' left."

"If there are demons involved,there may be some problems in that,"Xavier gently pointed out.

"There aren't,not in the government project,not with their knowledge,"Helga said."For one thing,they'd have sent them after you without going to an outside contractor if they had 'em.And second,I think Arsenal failed because they were trying to work demons and mutants together,and since demons generally have a counter agenda,good luck."She looked fidgety,but probably because she had been told she couldn't smoke in here,and she desperately wanted a cigarette.

"But they will be expecting us,"Jean argued.She had grabbed Scott's hand for support,although it was strange really:she didn't want Logan to risk himself like this so badly the concern and furious anxiety almost made her eyes glow like embers."It's too dangerous,Logan."

Logan nodded in agreement,seemingly noting the concern for him and grimacing at it,but it didn't weaken his resolve in the least."They'll be ready for you,but they won't be ready for Bob."

"Nobody's ready for Bob,"Helga said,and it made him feel a surge of pride.It was true,of course,but always nice to hear it.

"Got an address for us to check out,Helga?"Logan asked,determined to go on with his plan,consensus or not.

"Yeah,I do,but  I bet they'll be expecting us after that dust up at Krek's place."

"Great,just what I was counting on.Come on,Scott,up for a plan bound to go horribly wrong?"

Scott sighed wearily,giving Jean's hand an affectionate pat before he unlaced his fingers from hers."Sure,why not?"

As he stood up,Jean did as well,and so did Rogue,which made Logan shake his head."No,just Scott and me.The rest of you stay here."

"Absolutely not."Jean insisted.

"No way,I ain't staying behind again!"Rogue chimed in,sounding personally offended.

"I have to go,"Helga said quietly,and not without a bit of irony."I know the address."

"We're just on reconnaissance,"Logan said,his eagerness to leave reflected in the sudden tension in his frame:it was like every single muscle he had was tensed for action.He'd never admit it,of course,but some small part of Logan was terrified.Still,he was going to forge on regardless because he wanted to end this now,damn his own fear.You had to admire that kind of brazen courage and bottomless rage."We ain't lookin' for a fight.But assuming we're being visually monitored,I suggest you make it look like you're getting ready for a brawl here.It'll sell the story."

"I really should go,"Bob said to Logan,aware even as he said it there was pretty much a Slayer's chance in hell of that happening.

Logan's look was surprisingly sympathetic-he did want him to come along.He just couldn't justify it."If they have the slightest inkling of what you are,Bob,what's going to happen won't be plausible if you're around."

"And it's plausible if I am?"Scott asked,shrugging on his navy blue canvas jacket.

Logan smirked at him."This from the guy who was knocked out twenty seconds into our fight with the Ressiks."

"At least I'm not the guy who almost got his eye shot out."

"Almost doesn't-"

"Hey,"Bob interrupted."If it'll put an end to all this pointless bickering,please keep in mind I have the biggest penis here. Now,commence piss fighting again."

Rogue erupted in gales of laughter,while Jean hid her face in her hands,clearly trying not to laugh;even the Professor cracked a smile.Both Scott and Logan glowered at him,matching each other scowl for scowl,which was pretty funny in itself.

"I don't know about that,old man,"Helga drawled,levering herself onto her feet,and gave Logan a sly glance before she looked back at him."Sure he's not a relative of yours?"

Bob grinned at her."Well,you never know.I'm a slut."

"I know,that's why you're so fun,"she said,her tail giving him a brief pinch on the ass before she joined Scott and Logan by the door."We ready to roll?"

"As ready as we'll ever be,"Logan said,opening the door.

"I can't just stay here,"Jean insisted,serious once more,wringing her hands together nervously.

"Yeah,me too,"Rogue offered,although it was hard for her to keep from laughing.

Scott was hard to read,as those visors of his always covered up the most expressive part of his face,but he seemed to be genuinely sympathetic."I don't want you to get hurt,Jean,and certainly not in an operation as senseless as this one."

"I can handle myself."

"I know.But please,stay here for me."

She frowned deeply,reluctant to let it go so easily,but Bob sensed some kind of guilt there too,driving her to comply with Scott's request.Her eyes shifted briefly to Logan and then back to Scott,and Bob knew what the guilt was about.It was always hard to be the fulcrum in a triangle."I don't want you to be hurt,"Jean finally said,and he knew it was addressed to both Logan and Scott equally.

"Don't worry,"Helga interjected,giving her a cheesy,insincere grin."I'll make sure not a blow dried hair on Malibu Mutant Ken's head is permanently hurt."Helga knew Jean meant it for both men;she simply wasn't concerned that Logan would be hurt in a way that he wouldn't come back from.He was a survivor,which always earned some of Helga's limited respect.

This made Rogue giggle once more,and Scott turned a powerful scowl on Helga,which was as good as useless.Jean,for her part,looked like she doubted Helga's sincerity,which was probably wise.

"I'll monitor the situation,"Xavier said,in a tone that suggested this was a done deal:arguing would be beyond a waste of time. Although his cool and measured gaze encompassed all three of the would be warriors,they settled on Logan last,and held him the longest."Good luck."

Logan simply gave him a curt nod,as Helga quoted a maxim he had used a time or two:"Make your own luck,and buy off your enemies."

"You missed your calling as a politician,"Scott told her,as he waited politely for Helga to leave first.

"Oh,even I'm not evil enough for that,"she replied haughtily,and Bob couldn't help but smile.

He hoped these military men enjoyed their one moment of victory;they were not going to get another.

**

They parked in a dead alley between a closed Chinese restaurant and a closed-what the hell was that thing?Condemned building was his best guess:it looked like a rotten tooth caving in on itself-at the end of the block.Once again,they would walk ineffectually to their target.It was hard to let an old standard go to waste.

The address led them right to a large pawn shop,the only open shop on the entirety of this run down, crumbling grey block, in spite of the hour,which was odd.That and the fact that the block seemed dead-figuratively if not literally.

But Logan didn't trust the quiet.This was New York:it was a lot of things,but never really quiet.

He sniffed the cool night air casually as the three of them stopped on the cracked sidewalk across the street from the large and strange store."He runs an evil empire from a pawn shop?"Scott asked in disbelief.

"Bob runs his business from the back of a bar,"Helga pointed out,somewhat defensively."Besides,I doubt he runs it from here; it's probably a front."

On another block,Logan could hear the tinny sound of strangely upbeat salsa music from a car stereo,and boisterous Spanish voices;not arguing,just gleefully intoxicated.There were other cars driving by on streets between here,but not here itself:the night smelled of overripe garbage and day old piss,car exhaust and cigarettes.

And people.Oh yes,people.

"What is that in the window?"Scott asked,oblivious to the noose that Logan could now sense closing around them.Let him be oblivious for a bit longer;it would make it look better.