He felt Bob sit down close to him though,felt his weight shift the mattress,and for a moment he didn't say anything.Logan was sure he didn't know what to say."If that was a real memory,Bob,I had a wife,"he said,still not wanting to believe it."A wife who died because of me."

"You don't know that,"he said gently.

"Yes I do,"he insisted,anger burning in his throat like bile."Everybody's life I touch gets hurt,Bob."

"Not all of us."

"You don't count,Bob,and you fucking know it."He growled,digging the heels of his hands into his eyes to wipe away sudden,angry tears.He did not cry,and their unexplained appearance enraged him further.

"What bothers you most about this?"Bob asked,not unkindly."The fact that you completely forgot her,or the fact that,at one point,you had a life?"

That felt like a hit,an actual physical blow,and the urge to hit him back came quickly,but didn't stay for long.The anger remained,but while he felt it towards Bob,he knew it was really him being angry with himself more than anyone else."It's not my fault I forgot."

"I never said it was."

"And what the hell's that 'life' crack supposed to mean,huh?I have a life."

"No,Logan,you have a crusade.That's very different."His voice was level,even,almost sorrowful,and it drove Logan crazy with its implied sympathy and goddamn reasonableness.Logan jumped to his feet and wheeled on Bob,wanting to hurt him-hurt someone,anyone-so badly his hands were already curled into fists,his claws almost itching to burst through his skin.

Bob remained sitting on the end of the bed,still dressed only in his underwear,looking up at him calmly,without a hint of fear or shock;his neon eyes were sad,his expression pensive,nearly verging on patronizing.If it had been,Logan would have raked it off his face,or at least gave it a goddamn college try,but Bob seemed to ride the line carefully,aware he was approaching a danger zone."Now what the fuck does that mean,Drai'shajan?"

Bob grimaced at the mention of his 'title',but it didn't effect him otherwise."You've been hurt more than most people could ever be in three or four lifetimes,Logan.I don't think anyone would hold it against you that you've made revenge a way of life.It was probably the only thing that kept you sane."
"I want answers,not revenge,"he snapped,but it sounded false even to his ears.

"Perhaps it's fair to say you want both,"Bob allowed."But have you prepared yourself for the possibility that you won't like some of those answers?"

Was Bob reading his mind?Did he already know?Well,hell,he was there,he heard what Hedwin said about Siberia.He felt strangely enervated,wrought out,and ended up sitting on the edge of the bed,glad he could face the wall and not Bob."Yeah,I thought I had.But..."he didn't even know how to say it."After Legion showed up,I dreamed about this nightclub full of people,all dead,most without any marks on them.It felt like the past,but there was contemporary music playing so I knew it couldn't be.But,the other night..."

"It revised itself?"

"You could say that."

"Can I see?"

Logan shrugged,not really wanting him to,but it would spare him saying it.Bob reached out and touched his shoulder,and Logan did his best to concentrate on the dream,which he was already struggling to forget.

All was as it was before,nightclub full of dead bodies,lights still throbbing and music still blasting from the sound system,but this time there was blood,and marks on several bodies.

Claw marks.

"Mind and body gagged and bound on a new,familiar playing ground,"Bob began singing quietly.It took Logan a moment to realize he was singing along with the song actually pounding over the club's sound system."The ordinary will ignore whatever they cannot explain-"Finally noticing the look Logan was giving him,he stopped,and removed his hand from Logan's shoulder."Sorry,Public Image Limited.That was my favorite song of theirs."

Logan scowled at him."Well,goody for you.I killed those people,Bob."

"No you didn't."

"You saw it-"

"What I saw was a club full of dead bodies,but you can't be the only mutant with claws.And I personally know several demons with claws."

"But if I didn't kill them,what the fuck was I doing there?"It was too good to be true,but he did want to believe.Maybe that was Bob's ultimate power-you wanted so desperately to believe him.

"I don't really know,but I may be able to find out."

Logan gave him a curious sidelong glance."How?"

"Well,that song places the whole setting in the '80's,and how often were their unexplained club massacres that got conveniently covered up?Okay,we're probably talking hundreds,but massacres by claw really narrows things down."

Logan raised an eyebrow at him."You're being sarcastic,right?"

Bob gave him a kindly smile."Sure,if you'd like."

Okay,that was disturbing."Why did I remember it if I didn't do it?"

"Legion,perhaps.You said they stank,right?"

Sometimes he was positive Bob was speaking another language that only seemed like English."Are you going somewhere with this,or just tryin' to confuse me as a distraction?"

"Smell is desperately underrated as a memory source,but smells evoke memories more powerfully than anything else,and I bet that's doubly true in a person with a sense of smell as acute as yours.You probably scented something a lot like Legion in that club,and your mind churned it up."

"Couldn't have been Legion."

"Probably not,but,as I said,a lot of demons smell that bad."

"So do some mutants,"he admitted,thinking about Sabertooth.He smelled like some strange combination of polecat,human,and wet dog.

Bob got up and went back to the dresser,and as he was pulling on a pair of jeans,he said,"I can look into Japan for you too."

"Look into what?"Logan asked,feeling another twinge in his stomach.He had almost forgotten again,and would have been happy to leave the topic alone.

"A gaijin,hairy,who spoke fluent Japanese ,seemed to have a good working knowledge of the ninja/samurai subcultures, and had a Japanese wife shouldn't be too hard to track down info about."

"You just had to add hairy."

"Hey,except for the occasional mustache,facial hair ain't never been that big in Japan.It's a cultural thing."

Unable to keep the sorrow out of his voice,he said,"I can't remember her name,Bob.I can just barely remember her face in that photograph.If she was still alive and I saw her face tomorrow,I'd never remember her."

"No,Logan,you would."

"How in the hell can you say that?"He snapped irately,the anger resurgent and strangely comfortable.

Bob stopped zipping up his pants,leaving his belt undone,and gave him a look that seemed to say "wait until you're older". "Because you've never really forgotten,Logan.It's been lurking in the back of your mind,waiting to resurface.You just needed a little push,that's all."

"I'd rather forget,"he admitted,surprising himself."Maybe you could do a surgical push,Bob.Maybe you could make me forget all this shit.All the surgery especially."

Bob studied him long and hard,his expression equally sober and sad."Are you serious,Logan?"

"Fuck yeah I'm serious-maybe I could actually sleep without wakin' up screamin' for once."

Bob grimaced again,his eyes full of something close to pity."They're painful,Logan,but they're your memories,and you have so few.Do you really want me to take them away?"

"Yes.No.I don't know."He finally admitted,weary,angry,and so frustrated the urge to start breaking things came upon him again."My head's been fucked with so much does it matter?"

Bob pulled on a royal blue t-shirt close to his eye color,and then said,"Of course it matters,Logan.But if I give you the "if you give up they'll win" speech I just know you'll hit me."

"Damn right."

He was silent for a moment,putting on his watch,putting on a gold ring Logan had never really noticed he wore (well,no,he had,he just never really thought about it),and just as Logan was about to take back what he said about fucking with his head (it had been fucked with enough),Bob said,"It doesn't seem fair,does it?We have these abilities,these resilliancies,and yet the people we care about still die.We can't always protect them,we can't always save them,and while logically we may know this...it still hurts.Every goddamn time it still hurts."

"You can do more about it than me."

"Not always."

"Oh,come on-it has to be a perk of the job."

Bob turned at him and gave him a curious look,his pale lips curving up in a hint of a smirk."What job would that be?"

He wanted to play it coy,huh?Well,sure,yeah-Bob liked to do that.As he got to his feet,Logan said,"I've been thinkin' about it, how all those demons kept referring to you as 'Drai'shajan',as if that was supposed to mean something.I thought maybe it was your real name-there's no way in hell your actual name is 'Bob'-but they said it like a species...or a title.

"I know you said it doesn't translate,but you are full of shit,Bob;you just don't want to tell us what it means.And I got stuck on the 'shah' part of that for some reason,and I was thinking how different you smell from the only other Belial I've met."

"Demons are like people,Logan.We may be the same species,but we all smell different."He was giving him a small smile that was perfectly unreadable:a poker face.

"You don't have to tell me that,"he pointed out."I know.But while Storm and Jean smell different,I know they're both humans- that never comes into dispute."

"I don't smell demon enough for you?"He asked,a tinge of humor in his voice.

"You don't smell demon,you don't smell human.You don't smell like anything I've ever encountered before."

"Is that a compliment or a complaint?"He replied humorously.But Bob knew he was serious.

"I was thinking-Shahs,Kings,royalty-but no,I didn't think so.They said Drai'shajan like it was something to be feared,and I can't see Ressiks giving a flying fuck about some demon royalty."

"I can't be royalty-I'm Australian,"he protested humorously.

But Logan just glared at him."The key was that knife,which Xavier said the Hai'satcha identified as being the artifact of some mythical Egyptian goddess."

"Not really mythical,"Bob interjected,crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the dresser.The expression on his face remained perfectly unreadable.

"And you claimed to have met Ganesh,or whatever that elephant headed Hindu god is called,right?Now,that could be more of your bullshit,but the more I thought about it,the more it made an insane kind of sense..."

"What did?Ganesha?"

"You're a demi-god.That's what Drai'shajan means,isn't it?"

Bob snorted in laughter and looked away,shaking his head."Logan-"

"You're not powerful enough to be an actual god,but you skirt the line sometimes,don't you?"

"I didn't think you believed in gods."He replied.

"I don't have much choice with you around,do I?"Logan snapped back.

Bob stood up straight,unfolding his arms and letting them hang at his sides as he faced Logan,still grimacing,but it seemed both humorous and pained at the same time."That's a very interesting theory,Logan,but do demi-gods just happen?"

"You tell me."

He sighed,shaking his head."You want to know the truth about gods?They're mostly pricks.If they think of other people at all, it's just as playthings,things to be used and discarded at will.Ganesha's a dag,but probably because the other gods don't take him seriously,and his powers are limited."

"Is that why you're only a demi-god?Not prick enough to abandon everyone else?"

Bob picked up his black sunglasses from the dresser and slipped them on before giving Logan a very sly,calculating smile. "That's an entertaining theory,Logan."

He couldn't help but notice Bob hadn't actually come right out and denied it.Shit,was he right?"It would explain why you never come out and tell anyone what you really are."

"Does it?"

"You're ashamed of it."

Bob's small,unreadable smile seemed to collapse in on itself,slowly curving down into a sad frown.Had he honestly sussed it?Had he actually figured out exactly what Bob was?"Tell me something,"he went on,feeling obscurely bad that he continued to press the issue.But at any time,Bob could make it stop,and they both knew it."If you paid no mind,would you have any matter at all?"That plagued him,because all Bob smelled of was power;energy so far and away different than any other kind of energy source he had ever scented,and he was starting to wonder if having a physical form was a choice,something he could abandoned at will if he really got tired of it.

Bob was either going to tell him he was nuts or push him when the door opened,and Helga came in the room.She looked between them and gave them her patented playful smile."Oh hey,does this mean I get to have my threesome?"

"I'm outta here,"Logan said,quickly grabbing the edge of the door before it shut.

Helga grabbed him by the shirt,though,and pulled him in for a very gentle kiss,her lips just brushing his."When you get back to L.A.,look me up sometime,tiger."

He shook his head,but she continued giving him that luminous,impish smile that almost made him smile back in spite of himself."Will do.Take care of yourself,Helga."

"Always do,"she replied,letting him go.Then,when he was half way out the door,added,"Take care of yourself too,Logan."

"I do."

"Not nearly well enough,"Bob said somberly."See you around."

And that didn't sound like a farewell more than a promise.Logan figured he could live with that.

*****

Jean,who had been leaning against the door jamb,straightened up and shook her head."No.It's just that you're always
seem to be leaving.There's a place for you here,you know."

"Yeah,I know,"he said,but it didn't feel like he meant it.Maybe there was a place,but did he belong here at all?Yes,he was a mutant,but they all seemed to dwell in a safe world that felt so foreign to him.

It was still morning,the sun relatively low in the clear azure sky,and while he felt its rays warming his face,he still felt remarkably cold and distant.He didn't belong here.He just didn't know where he belonged.

Jean continued to study him from the mansion doorway,and she looked conflicted,as if she wasn't sure what to say."Where are you going?"She finally asked,crossing her arms over her chest.

"Back to Alberta.I think I remembered living somewhere out there,before...before everything.I was gonna see if I could track it down."It was a long shot-searching for what must have been a destroyed cabin among hundreds of cabins in the endless acres of woods surrounding the Rockies,but if he found it,maybe he'd find remaining pieces of his past.Maybe even fragments of her.

"If we can help at all-"she began,but he interrupted her,suddenly eager to be on his way.

"I'll call,"he said with a nod,and kick started the bike.

"Good luck,Logan,"she said,gazing at him somewhat sadly."I hope you find what you're looking for."

He glanced back at her,and wanted to say something profound;he even had a momentary urge,quickly discarded,to ask her to come with.But he had to do this alone.

As he was always alone,and it was high time he just got used to it."Me too,"he finally said,and with a rev of the engine pulled away,leaving the mansion and everyone in it behind.

He knew he was headed back towards his past;he couldn't help but wonder what old,fresh horrors awaited him there.

The End