It could have been worse-she could have taken it all before Naomi pumped enough volts through her to kill her.But it was still an unspeakable loss,a crime so horrific there could be no atoning for it,even if Maddy had survived.But of course,that bitch was toast,and Logan couldn't help but be damn glad about that.

Yet still he wondered if Maddy had taken his memories in the first place.

He wished one of them could tell him,that anyone could tell him,but of course those that might have known hadn't survived.Still,there had to be someone in that entire fucked up organization who knew,who had to know.

But where were they now?

Probably hiding in the wastelands of Alberta,in the inhospitable arteries of the Canadian Rockies and beyond,stretching outward like a flesh eating virus towards the blasted snowscapes of the former Northern Territories,and perhaps sending out tendrils towards the States and even far beyond that,possibly reaching its poisoned arms towards the sunbaked deserts of Mexico.

He would find them.Logan felt the resolve like a lead ball in his stomach,one radiant with hate.He would find those bastards,he would hunt them down,he would take a pound of flesh from them for everything they had done to him-and for taking Naomi away from him.Away from her whole life.

The anger and sorrow of it tasted like bile in his mouth,a bad taste at the back of his throat he could not spit out or wash away,and in spite of the rage burning through his bloodstream,he had felt nothing but cold.And he hated the fucking cold;he didn't want to be cold anymore.But until he could get some of this out,he was afraid he'd always be cold.

As soon as he was fully healed from the explosion-which he could barely remember,but he attributed that to a head injury as opposed to something like Lethe or drugs-he called Naomi's parents,and told them there had been an 'incident' with the government (?) troops known to be pursuing their daughter,and she had lost a decade worth of memories.Just like he thought,they were eager to help her recover.

Her mother asked if there had ever been a Madalyn.He said no,that it had just been a trap.And when she asked who he was,he simply said he was a friend.

Then he swallowed his pride and called Xavier.But he was not doing it for himself.

Logan explained that Naomi had lost many memories to these same men hunting him,and now was probably unprepared for the dangers that might still be ahead of her,as he doubted they'd stop hunting her;Electra was a powerful mutant,one they obviously still coveted.Xavier agreed, and agreed to relocate Naomi and her parents somewhere safer.He almost told him where that would be,but Logan stopped him,interrupting that the fewer people who knew the better.He didn't add that whereas the Professor could protect the info from other telepaths,he could not;Logan tried to convince himself that's why he didn't want to know.

There was a significant pause before Xavier accepted that,sounding reluctant,then asked in his most plummy,patrician tone:"What happened,Logan?"

See-he couldn't hide anything from a telepath."Maybe I'll tell you sometime,"he offered half heartedly,then hung up.

He had to keep his distance from Naomi,for her own good.He should have stayed away from the beginning;none of this would have happened if he had.

He'd hoped Angel would go back to L.A. as soon as he was recovered,but he was still hanging around,looking for a way to get back without bursting into flames.Or,at least that's what he claimed,but Logan smelled some do gooder ulterior motive.He kept giving him funny looks,as if he might explode any second.He resented the attention.

One good thing Angel did was find the bike,which he had completely forgotten about.During some nighttime skulking at the site-he never said what exactly he was looking for ("I'm a detective.I look.")-he found it in the back of a truck that was far enough away from the area to have suffered little damage.Although he was glad to have it back with barely a scratch on it,he couldn't muster much enthusiasm about it.

Once he hung up the phone after talking to Xavier,which for some reason left him feeling enervated,he noticed the dark and looming figure of Angel in the open common doorway between their hotel rooms (why Angel had gotten them joining rooms was obvious-he was trying to keep an eye on him.In a moment of anger,Logan had thrown open his curtains:the storm had moved past,and it was now clear and sunny outside,the sky as blue as the ground was white).Because the curtains were still open,the doorway was pretty much as far as he could venture,as golden light spilled all over the short napped ecru carpet and utilitarian furniture in the small,unremarkable room (to be fair,it was a slightly nicer hotel than the one he and Naomi had stayed in...and he didn't want to think about that)."What do you want now?"Logan snapped,placing his elbows on his knees and resting his face in his hands.He realized talking to someone while facing away from them was probably kind of weird if not extremely rude,but Logan didn't care.He didn't want to talk,he didn't want to sit around doing nothing;he wanted to be out there running these bastards to ground and making them regret the day they were born.

"Why did you lie?"He asked,giving him that soulful eyes thing.Even though Logan only saw it out of the corner of his eye,it still annoyed him greatly,and he scowled at him.

"Who?"

"To Naomi.To her parents.You were more than her friend,Logan."

"She doesn't need to know."

"Yes she does,"Angel instantly countered."It's not just part of your past but her past too.You don't have the right to edit it as you see fit."

"Stay out of it,Angel,"he growled,his fingers digging so hard into the edge of the bed his claws were in danger of popping out.

"No.I didn't know her as well as you,but I considered her a friend.Well,sort of.She deserves to know the truth."

"Mind your own fucking business."He spat,jumping to his feet and glaring at him.If Angel wanted to fight,he had to know he'd do nothing but lose.

"She loved you,"Angel shot back."Did you know that?"

The words hit him like an iron fist to the stomach,but Logan struggled not to show it on his face,or say what he immediately thought:She couldn't love me.No one loves me.

"I guess you didn't,"Angel continued,at least having the decency to look slightly embarrassed.

"Aren't you going back to California?"Logan asked,making sure there was only annoyance in his voice.The idea that Naomi could have loved him made him feel cold all the way to his marrow, and nearly blind with pure,utter rage.

Angel grimaced,as if Logan was doing this just to be difficult,and then offered,"The car was impounded but it hasn't been picked up.I can go steal it back tonight."

"Welcome to the world of the lawless."He then grinned at him,knowing that would make Angel uncomfortable,but it felt forced even to Logan.The fear that Naomi may have loved him buzzed around his mind like an angry wasp and made his stomach ache,like someone had just rammed a sword through it.

"Knowing she loved you,you're still going to lie to her,aren't you?"Angel asked,ostensibly curious, but Logan was sure he heard judgment in his voice.

"I said leave it,"he snarled,feeling the rage like vomit rising in the back of his throat.At least his face now felt warm.

"Are you that much of a coward?"Angel said,his dark eyes narrowing in challenge.

"Do you think I want to do this?!"Logan exploded,storming violently towards him.He made himself pause before the black rage swamped him and took Angel right along with it."This is for her own fucking good!Haven't you got it through your thick fucking skull that I am poison?! Everyone around me suffers and dies and I am sick and fucking tired of it!She is better off without me!Maybe now she'll finally be free from those motherfucking monsters who want to use her,and I will never,ever be used in any capacity to get at her again!Is that clear,or do I need to start writing it down?!"

Angel stood his ground,although his shoulders did straighten a little,as if he might bolt if necessary,but the rest of the accusations in his eyes died unspoken as his expression softened."She wouldn't want you to do this,Logan."

"Do what?"

"Hunt for revenge,look for more trouble.She did what she did so you could live,not so you could die.Or worse."

"She wasn't thinking,"he snapped,turning away from Angel so his face could not betray him."I've lost almost all my fucking memories,and the ones I do have ain't that great-what's another ten years to me?"He felt so ill with despair and anger he was afraid he actually might vomit,and he couldn't remember the last time he had done that.Had he ever done that?

"She did what she did because she loved you and she didn't want to see you get hurt anymore." Angel paused,before adding solemnly,"Exactly why you're doing what you're doing."

Logan froze as the meaning of what Angel had said sunk in,and as soon as he was sure he could speak,he spun around and snapped,"I didn't-"

But Angel was gone.The doorway was empty,and Logan was relatively sure he heard the soft thud of a door closing in the next room.Sometimes Angel could skulk away so quickly and silently it was almost eerie.

Logan's words died in his mouth:"I didn't love her?How could I?I don't even fucking know what it is!" But as he sagged back onto the end of the bed,he wondered if that was slightly disingenuous.

No,he wasn't sure of what love was exactly,beyond some force fed abstract concept;he wasn't sure he was even capable of feeling such a thing,nonetheless knowing it when he saw it.But that was just it-he wasn't sure.He couldn't say yes or no.

All he knew was when Naomi didn't recognize him anymore,when he realized that woman-her sister Maddy-was the Lethe they had been threatening him with,it was like Naomi had died. And with that part of him had died too,leaving a hollow in the center of his chest that filled instantly with a blinding,bloody rage that turned his blood to ice and filled his mind with a white noise that blotted out the entire hateful fucking world.The soldiers he fought on the way to con and actually blowing the place up was just a blur now,more like a half remembered dream then anything that really happened.

"Emotions can make people do stupid things," she had said,and she was right.They had.

Logan laid back on his hard hotel bed and stared up at the white stuccoed ceiling,suddenly feeling so weak he was not sure he could move.

He wanted to mourn for Naomi-and maybe for himself-but he wasn't sure he knew how.

He rolled over,well aware he was asleep,and put his arm around her as he pressed up against her back,feeling the lazy itch of electricity as it crawled along his skin,making the hair on his arms and chest stand on end.She snuggled back against him,making a low,sleepy noise of contentment in her throat,not even opening her eyes.

He rested his head against hers,feeling the softness of her hair,its odor still some berry scented conditioner with just a tinge of hair dye beneath,and enjoyed the warmth of her body for just a moment...

And then she was gone.He was aware he had his arm draped over a cold and empty space,and he came fully awake,disappointed but not at all surprised.

The pale blue half light of dawn was seeping in through the seams of the beige curtains,slender blades of illumination striating the coffee brown carpet in a pattern reminiscent of prison bars.
Logan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes until he saw a kaleidoscope pattern of black, white,and red burst to life behind his eyelids.

It took a moment for him to remember where he was,in what cheap motel in what part of Canada,and what the hell he thought he was doing.That last part was always the hardest,and the longest in coming back to him.But it shouldn't have been-everything that tortured him and kept him from sleeping at nights was why he was here,half way to nowhere and not even half way through his journey.

As he got up and stumbled blearily to the tiny,claustrophobic bathroom,he remembered that Xavier had called him last night.Of course,it had been a week since he called him to ask him to look after Naomi and her parents-he was in another hotel,another city,and had certainly told no one about where he was going (even he wasn't sure until he got too tired to stay on the road).But he didn't have to puzzle over how Xavier found him for too long;he used that Cerebro doohickey probably,found him with his mind.He hoped he hadn't seen him in the bar last night-but that wasn't his fault:those dickheads started it.And why did he give a rat's ass what Xavier thought about him kicking some redneck ass?It was his life;he could kick any butt he wanted.And did.

Xavier called to tell him that Naomi and her parents were as safe as possible,and Naomi's powers were extremely impressive-and dangerous.Her control over it was equally impressive,but there was some hope she could improve on it further,although she had no interest in joining their little group,which didn't surprise Logan in the least.He and Naomi had a 'loose cannon' quality in common.

Xavier was not only calling to inform him of Naomi's status (and gauge his reactions from the news),but also to inquire about the mutant who called himself 'Angel'-apparently,Naomi had mentioned him.His first impulse was to be truthful-"He's not a mutant,he's a vampire."-but just thinking that convinced Logan he was losing his mind.What the hell would Xavier think?

So he told him he had his own group on the West Coast,real small,but with the expressed goal of helping people:they'd even helped him once (okay,maybe more than once,but Xavier didn't need to know that),and he was in absolutely no danger from these government guys.Xavier seemed dubious about that,so Logan told him to just trust him.If he thought Angel was in actual danger,he would let him know.

Amazingly,Xavier accepted that.

He tried to give him the revenge talk too,the one Angel gave him but then bailed out of (before he left for Cali,he said his point was still valid,but he felt he was being a hypocrite since he might do the same thing.Angel added,apropos of nothing,that sometimes you had to leave the ones you loved to protect them,but he still thought Naomi had the right to know),but his disinterest was palpable,so Xavier just warned him to be careful,and to check in regularly,just so they knew he was safe.Angel had said something similar also.

He was a grown man for Christ's sake,and he was not a parolee either-he didn't need to 'check in' with anyone.He could handle himself.Well,most of the time.

He turned on the shower,and listened to the pipes in the wall bang as the water struggled to heat up,dribbling erratically from the rusty shower head into the stained porcelain tub,the bottom of which was marred with yellow plastic 'safety daisies' that managed to make an ugly tub absolutely hideous. As the water warmed up,he wandered back out into the main room to look out the window.

Beyond his view of the cracked parking lot,the potholed ribbon of road,and the sad small businesses on the opposite side,the snowy,sharp peaks of the Canadian Rockies loomed over everything like a shadow of doom.Logan knew there were still government rodents hiding up there;weasels hiding in the snowy reaches and the dense forests,shitheads who had taken away his freedom,his memories...Naomi.

He didn't care how long it took,or how dangerous it was-he would hunt them down and make them pay.No,it wouldn't restore his memories,or restore Naomi's,but if he took them out of the game they couldn't do this to any other mutant,and maybe that would just have to be enough.

He could hear the water beating a rhythmic tattoo on the bottom of the tub as the knocking faded to a quiet,repetitive tapping,meaning the water had finally heated up enough to be bearable.But he stared out the window a moment longer,not seeing the mountains so much as thinking of Naomi.

He did wonder where she was,how she was doing,but he had to put that aside.She was safe and that was all he needed to know-now and forever.

He knew she would never remember him.But he also knew he would always remember her.

THE END