It was a clear day,so sunny it was almost painful,but the sun seemed to offer no warmth,and the air remained still and cold,as if it had somehow been frozen.Which was just how he felt.

At some point he stopped off and had a burger and a beer,because he couldn't remember the last time he ate.He had no appetite to speak of,but he knew even he'd wear down if he didn't eat.He might be technically indestructible,but even he could get weak.He regretted eating too,because it seemed to sit in his stomach like a ball of lead,and he didn't feel better for having done so.He supposed he should go back to the hotel and catch some sleep before tonight,but he remained too keyed up to rest.

But by the time mid-afternoon rolled around,he returned to the hotel after a trip to buy some cigars and a bottle of scotch to keep him hydrated.As he parked the bike,he got a sense he was being watched.

And when the wind shifted,he couldn't believe his nose.

"Hello Logan,"Jean said,emerging from the shadows beneath the awning of the front of the hotel.

The hotel was a sprawling 'motor lodge' sort of thing-a single level,rooms bracketing a large and unscenic parking lot-and the lot was mostly empty,with only his bike,the manager's car,and the van of  some local painter's (sadly,he could smell the turpentine on the wind).But he could smell Jean too;she wore a light perfume,probably faint to her and others,but he could smell that musk rich scent a mile away.

She looked out of place in this dingy little town too:as elegant as always in a red cashmere sweater and slim black pants,she also wore more climate practical black boots and a long,fleece lined black coat that looked about one size too large, swamping her like a cloak.But she made it work.

And he couldn't think of another person he wanted to see less right now.

"What are you doing here?"He asked as he got off his bike,looking around for any of the other so called 'X Men'.But he didn't smell them,so Jean was alone-well,theoretically.He bet that insecure dickhead of a boyfriend was keeping tabs on her via binoculars...well,monocular?

Jean dug her hands in the pocket of her coat as she crossed the parking lot,her long red hair loose and framing her face as if she was using it to try and keep warm.He couldn't blame her if she was."The Professor is concerned about you."After a pause,she added,"And so am I."

"Wow,Jean,that almost sounded sincere,"he sneered,digging his hotel key out of his coat pocket.Like he needed this bullshit right now.

She frowned at him,but in a mild,disapproving sort of way.Couldn't let our emotions get the better of us,could we?"It is sincere,Logan,whether you like it or not."

"Fine,whatever.You've shared your feelings,so you can go home now."He walked away,towards his matching rooms,brown bagged bottle of scotch tucked under his arm.Just having her around seemed to make the muscles in his back and neck tighten until he thought they might snap.He didn't need this right now.Why didn't people just leave him the fuck alone?

"I can't do that."

"What?The Boy Scout fly off without you?Or you just can't live without me?"Of course the key had to be sticky in the lock.Just as he was about to slash the door down,the lock clicked over and he was able to get in.He could sense her approach, it felt like an itch between his shoulder blades,and it made him want to scream in frustration.He considered slamming the door shut in her face,but she was close enough to prop it open with her hand before he was all the way inside.Maybe she caught his thought.Fucking telepaths.

"Logan..."she paused,sounded tired."I know something happened to you and Naomi that you're not saying."

"Oh,so you're jealous,"he replied,keeping his back to her as he tossed his hotel key on the slab of wood currently making do as a coffee table.

"Those men who...hurt you captured you again,Logan.You can't say that-"

"Hurt me?"He interrupted,turning to face her.Although she had come in the room,she was still by the door,as if afraid to get any closer.For the first time,he noticed she wasn't wearing any make up:her face was pale,her lips thin and ashen from the cold,and dark rings encircled her warm brown eyes.She looked weary beyond the telling of it,making him wonder if she had been up all night.But she still looked as beautiful as always,and that irritated him more for some reason."I've been hurt a lot, babe.Those guys didn't hurt me:they tortured me for the sheer hell of it for a very long time.So what else were you going to say?"

She met his eyes,and flinched slightly at the anger she must have seen there.Well,that wasn't his fucking fault;he didn't ask her to come."Logan,we're just concerned about you."

"Concerned?"He let out a humorless chuckle."Where were you when those fucks had me?"

She glanced down at the plaster dusted carpet-his best guess was it was sort of smokey grey at one time-clearly chagrined."We didn't know."

"No,of course not.He can use that Cerebro thing to track me down here,but he couldn't use it to find me in a mutant hall of horrors?"He slammed down the bottle of scotch on a nightstand working as an end table with enough force to make the ugly ceramic lamp on it jump about a half inch.He was probably lucky he hadn't shattered the bottle.

"He didn't know to look."

"But he knows to look now,long after the fact,when it does me no fucking good at all.If it wasn't for Angel and Naomi I might still be in there.So thanks so fucking much,but the mutant calvary is too late.Message delivered.Now go away."

"Not without you."

"Wanna bet on that?"He snarled,glaring at her.

But Jean crossed her arms across her chest and held her ground."He didn't tell me exactly what he saw in Cerebro last night, but it left him shaken.You're in a bad place,Logan.Let us help."

"A bad place?"He snorted derisively."What?Wanna get a room at the Hilton with me,Jean?Tired of being disappointed by the one eyed goody two shoes and wanting a real man for once?"

Her frowned deepened,eyes narrowing,but not before she took an actual second to think about it.He knew it."You know what I mean,Logan.The Professor is concerned you're heading down the same path Erik ended up on."

"Erik?"It took him a moment to place the name."Magneto?"He couldn't help but scoff."You can tell him I ain't interested in ruling the world.Goodbye."

"I can understand that you want revenge,Logan,but you're leaving yourself open to attack.They know you're out here.Please come back to the mansion with me.You need to cool down and think about this before it goes too far."

"Before?"He repeated incredulously."So cutting me open wasn't far enough?"

She winced and briefly looked away."Logan-"

"You saw it,Jean,"he hissed,and she glanced up at him,eyes widening in surprise."When you read my mind,I didn't know then what you saw,but I think I do now.You saw what they did to me,didn't you?But you didn't see it all;you saw a fraction of what they did to me.But you've guessed that,haven't you?"He knew he had her;she looked shaken,and he could smell the fear coming from her.She didn't like to think about it?Well,too fucking bad."You wanna keep them from getting me again?Join me-stop letting the Professor and Scott hold you back.You're better than that and you know it.Help me.They are doing this to other mutants,and they will keep doing it until somebody stops them.Do you really want to turn a blind eye to it because they're human?"

For a long moment he held her gaze,and he knew she was considering it.Unlike the others,she had seen it-and felt it-for herself and knew what they had done,and what they were still doing.But just when he thought he got through to the real Jean-not that uptight 'good girl' who was concerned about what everyone else thought,about making a 'good impression' on behalf of all mutants everywhere-she closed her eyes and shook her head."It's more complicated than that,Logan,and you know it.Until we find the source of the problem,you can only destroy all the bases you want,but they'll simply pop up elsewhere.And whether you know it or not,your one man war is hurting other mutants as well as people.I know you, Logan- you don't really want to hurt anyone.You-"

"You don't know me at all."He snapped,glaring at her angrily as she finally dared to open her eyes.Looking at him was just too tempting,huh?"You don't even know yourself.So don't deign to tell me who I am and what I want.Either join me or get the fuck out."

Her gaze hardened,and it was kind of a thrill to see her express some actual passion;she was so reserved,and just to make other people happy."We don't want to have to fight you,Logan."

He grunted in amusement,never breaking away from her challenging stare."Because you couldn't fight me.I'd kick all your asses and you know it."

"Logan,I'm serious."

"So am I."He ripped off his jacket and threw it aside before holding out his arms at his sides and popping his claws,the familiar pain of them tearing through the knuckles almost welcome.It was nice to feel something beyond the usual dull menu of rage and hopelessness.Jean flinched again,shocked that he'd actually done that,but that was the problem with the damn X Men:so fucking reserved,always holding back."Think I can't,Jean?Think I won't?"

"Stop this,Logan,"she said,her voice a whisper thick with despair and fear.

He started stalking towards her,across the nearly empty room."That's your problem;that's all your problem.You fear.I don't.And that's how I'll beat you all."

She raised her hand palm towards him,as if threatening to use her telekinesis,but he didn't feel anything,and saw nothing but trepidation in her eyes.She didn't want to 'hurt' him-as if she really honestly could.He stopped where he was,grinning at her.He wondered if he pushed her far enough if he'd get to see the real Jean,and not the Professor's lap dog." Go home,Jean. Go back to your mansion and your safe little boyfriend and your safe little life,and stay the fuck out of mine."He snapped, retracting his claws and instantly pivoting towards the connecting door to the rest of the room.He stormed through it,into the bedroom,and slammed the door behind him.

Damn it,he left the scotch in the other room.Well,as soon as she tucked tail and ran,he'd go get it.

He was half way across the room when the door exploded open.He turned quickly to see Jean standing in the doorway,and in that second an invisible force seemed to hit him,knocking him off his feet and slamming him hard into the far wall,pinning him against it as loose flakes of plaster salted down from the ceiling.

He stared at her,trying to move,but it felt like a two ton weight was pressing against his chest.Jean walked into the room, hand raised towards him,and the anger in her eyes was white hot,making them smolder like embers.She started towards him, but stopped about eight feet away,her lips thinned to a grim line."You're in pain,Logan.I know that,I understand that.But you don't have a corner on the market.And by sharing that pain with others you are not helping yourself;you're making it worse."

"Kill me or don't,but spare me the lecture."He growled,actually a little impressed.Jean had balls;well,she was about the only X Men that did,although Xavier had his moments.

"Do you feel better yet?"She continued,ignoring him."Have the nightmares stopped since you started doing this,Logan?"

"Shut up."The pressure on his chest was easing a bit-when it came down to it,could she really hurt him?Did Jean have the balls to try and kill him?Try being the operative word,of course.

The anger in her eyes was dying,replaced by pity,which infuriated him,but he thought he saw something else as well,although he wasn't sure what it was.It was probably just that she had the hots for him,whether she'd admit it or not."Is this solving your problems,Logan?Is this going to give Naomi her memories back?"

"Shut the fuck up!"He spat angrily,Naomi's name hitting him like a baseball bat to the gut.How dare she throw out her name like a weapon.

Jean looked confused,dark brows drawing downward,and she lowered her hand,the pressure dying and finally falling away completely."She meant something to you,didn't she?I'm sorry Logan,I didn't know."

"Come on,Jean,make up your mind-do you want to fuck or fight?'Cause I'm game for either."He was happy to be back on his feet and breathing again,but that little demonstration just proved he could kill all the X Men if he wanted to:showing pity or mercy on an opponent was a drastic sign of weakness.

Anger flared in her eyes once more,but it quickly died,replaced with even more pity.It was like a slap to the face."I'm a telepath-do you think I don't know what you're doing?"

"Foreplay?"

She scowled at him."Trying to shove me away.I know you're not accustomed to asking for help,but we're your friends and we want to help.Let us."

"Help?But you don't really want to help me.If you did,you'd be helping me find and destroy the base right now,rather than play with me."And in that second he darted across the room,coming to a stop right in front of her and putting his fist level with her face,maybe eight inches away.She gasped in shock and jumped back,but he held his ground and glared at her,fist frozen in place."If I popped my claws,I would have killed you,"he pointed out coldly."Unlike you,I don't play."

He saw the blur of the lamp out of the corner of his eye and lashed out his hand,unleashing his claws and shattering it before it could get within an inch of his face,but he never looked away from Jean,whose eyes widened once more.It was her turn to be impressed."You use your powers against me,you mean it."He growled through gritted teeth."Because I will."

She began to back up slowly towards the door,hand held up as if to ward him off.But if she used her powers again,he knew she wouldn't really hurt him;she couldn't.She had a 'soft spot' for him.And it was a shame too,because she was the only one of her measly group that had even a chance of killing him,at least in a permanent sense,although he had his doubts about that."Logan,stop this."

Some small part of him was ashamed of himself;he didn't want to hurt Jean.He never wanted to hurt her,or scare her as badly as he was now.But he couldn't stop himself;he was so angry he had to get some of it out before it killed him.He really thought it would if he kept it all bottled up."Read my mind,Jean.You want to know me,see what else they did to me?Read my mind."

Her eyes grew impossibly wide in terror:she had seen a bit of it once,and she did not want to live through it again.She backed up a little faster now,putting more space between them."Logan,you have to stop.You're killing yourself.Can't you see that?"

"I don't die-don't you see that?You can vivisect me and use my internal organs for fucking party favors and I will be able to get up and join you,"he snarled bitterly,following her into the next room,continuing to stalk her as she backed towards the door."Come on,Jean.Read my mind.What are you afraid of?Afraid you'll become like me?"

There were genuine tears in her eyes as she reached the door,which had opened for her."Logan,what's happened to you?"She asked,standing in the doorway,letting in cold air and the acrid sting of paint thinner.

In some distant part of himself,he felt terrible for doing this to her.He knew she meant well,that she wanted to help,and maybe by sending her away he was blowing everything,but he couldn't stop himself.Besides,he had gone too far to back out now,and he had no real desire to do so,just some vestigial tug of guilt that simply had no place in his life right now."I remembered,"he growled,and as soon as he was within reach of the door,slammed it shut on her face.

He took a deep breath,glad to be alone finally,but in the same instant,he felt slightly ill.Something irrevocable had just happened,but he wasn't sure what.

He had a feeling he'd eventually find out,though.For good and for bad.

***